Thankfulness this November

So here it is...2nd trimester! :)

I never thought I would get through that first one. I wasn't sick too much (maybe a few times here and there), but mostly I was sick with worry. I hate admitting that about myself. I don't want to be that worrier. Nothing good comes from worrying anyway, but that's what I did for the first trimester. I worried. I started off the first few weeks with so much faith, and then I just fell into the trap of worrying. I think it is because of my first loss. I remember the pain of that and I don't know, I just kept feeling anxious as time went on. That all my happiness was in vain and that eventually, something bad would happen. I hate that I did that to myself. It didn't help that we had car repairs out the wazoo, and now we have to deal with a less than ideal, healthcare plan for 2014. And all of that...all of that weighed on our hearts.

And it hasn't helped that I also had crazy nightmares for the past few weeks too! Ones that put me into tears. I don't understand all the hormones and emotions I am feeling, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. But, I want to be strong and do the best I can for this little one. After years of trying and going through loss, and then giving up on the fertility meds and just working a little harder to get healthier, then it happened. Our little miracle is there. I won't say I dont' worry now...'cause I do. But I also know that is from the devil. You ever feel like you are being under attack? It's like so much has come up against us to make us panic and steal our joy. I hate that too! I don't want to live in fear, and I want to enjoy my pregnancy! I want to enjoy every single minute, day, and week of this little one.

There was something amazing that happened when we got to hear our baby's heartbeat on our 5 year wedding anniversary! THAT was amazing! I still have those times where I wonder if the next visit will be bad news, but I have to rebuke those thoughts. Because it's not going to do me or the baby ANY good. So prayers for me and Todd are always appreciated.

But enough of that stuff - here is the fun stuff I want to share. I wanted to post this as a time to share my thankfulness! This year has been quite a roller coaster, but I think it is important to share the things you are most thankful for (especially since Thanksgiving is just next week!).

So here it is - I am thankful for:

• God first and foremost! There are no words for what this year has been like for us. I remember releasing balloons and praying to God for healing as we still struggled over the loss of Gabriel. I remember the peace He gave us when we did that. I remember how he made it possible for me to go to my favorite state TWO times this year (Colorado), and just be in those mountains. I remember that morning in Colorado Springs, when I woke up to the most beautiful morning with this heavenly appearance right over Pikes Peak. The clouds looked like hands. Some may think that is just cheesy or ridiculous, but it was comfort to me. It really looked like it could have been God's hands! And I just felt a peace! Or when He surprised me with the knowledge that we were expecting this little one. I mean I took like 2 tests in 2 weeks time and they were both negative. I didn't believe I was pregnant! And then the "chance" time where I just took one last chance and one last test - and there it was - two pink lines! Or the joy He gave me when I first saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound. It was seriously like church in there...I never felt closer to God than in that moment. He was there with me as I got to see this little miracle's heart beating and probably for the first time! It was AMAZING! Or when Dr's thought I could be miscarrying, but instead, it was good news and I wasn't as far along as they thought because I am not a normal woman! I loved being right in that! :) Just goes to show you that Dr's don't know it all! I loved how God just held me through my fears. I have prayed more than I ever have, and I think that is a really good thing. I hear Him talk to me in the night when I am scared about something, and I have felt His peace. I know that the devil wants me to fear and worry, but my God is bigger than any of that. I won't lie though and say I don't sometimes have doubts. But God has and continues to work on my heart! I just know that if it weren't for Him, I seriously think I would be dead. I really do. I don't feel like sharing all of those things on here, but I know it is God who helped and continues to guide me and Todd and our little family! :) And while I still sometimes worry or stress about how we are going to pay for things, etc - deep in my heart, I hear His words to me saying "Sarah, I won't leave you. You need to just let it go and trust Me."

 

• My darling husband of 5 years! This marriage has gone through a lot in just a small amount of time, but God has been incredible through it all and helped us through those things. And even though we have gone through plenty of trials, I am more in love with my husband than I was when I first said "I Do." He makes me so happy...and life is just better with him in it! And watching him bond already with this little baby just brings tears to my eyes. The way he prays over this baby and will talk to him or her already! I love it! I love him!

• My children! I have one in heaven that I still love and someday will get to see! And yes it was a challenge to get through tha loss, but I learned so much in that process! And this little one growing! What a surprise it was when we first found out. I didn't think I was, and then I was completely surprised! I love learning what is happening each week of his or her growth. It's so amazing. How can you not be amazed at the miracle of life? How can you deny a Creator when you see the amazing things about a child and their growth. It's amazing how my baby started as just a few cells and now, there is this little person that is the size of my fist and has all of the body parts, etc. The heartbeat was the best thing in the world to hear! I can't wait to see his or her face! I can't wait to know if we are having a boy or a girl. I can't wait to talk to him or her by the name we have picked out and prayed over! I can't wait to look into his or her eyes for the first time! I just can't wait!

Memory Necklace for Gabriel in Heaven

 Sonagram of Baby Taber (2013)

• My Family! Seriously - I have the best family! My parents and sister, Jen and brother, Wes! I just love them so very much! We have had some amazing joys this year with the union of Jen and Wes! That was an amazing day!! :) I love my brother very much too! I love the excitement my family has had ever since we told them about the baby! I love that they are more than just excited - they are giddy!! :) I love that my Dad will call me up and say "How is my granddaughter doing?" He really thinks this baby is a girl, and maybe we are having a girl. Who knows! But I love that this baby is LOVED so much by his or her family! I wish we could see Jen and Wes for Thanksgiving and they will be missed SOOO MUCH! But they won't be far from our thoughts and minds and prayers as they go through exams! I also cannot wait to see them in December! Oh happy day! :) I love my parents for just who they are...they inspire me, and give me so much! I just love this family!

• My Family By Blood and Love! These people are amazing! You know who you are! You are more than just friends to us, you are family! I think of well over 20 people who fit this description! It is people like them who have prayed for us, celebrated with us, grieved with us, etc that are our true family! We love spending time with you when we can see you, and even if there are miles apart from us, we still are close because we catch up on places like Facebook. Facebook has its issues for sure, but I am thankful for the encouragement, love, and joy I get even if we are apart!
• My work! Some days I don't like it, but for the most part, I am pretty happy with my job! I feel challenged there, and my leadership role on JuMP has just been amazing for me! I am thankful that I really got to grow and learn leadership this year in a very challenging, and "outside my comfort zone" kind of way! I loved being responsible for funding some amazing community involvement events! I loved sharing in those exciting times! It has been an incredible blessing!
• And the list really could go on....

So take time this week to think about what you are most thankful for! It can be really easy to focus on all the negative, and believe me, I have done enough of that this year. But, when I put my eyes on the good, it was amazing what came from that! Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and I pray that you get to see your families, and if you don't, that you take time to talk to them on the phone or Skype! I pray that you have a blessed time with your families and friends, and I pray that in all the bad that there is in this world, that you focus on the blessings you have. I say this to myself just as much as I say this to you!

Enjoy the turkey and your family and friends! :) Much love to all!