Hello my sweet boy,
You are 31 weeks today, and there is so much anticipation for your arrival. I can't believe in 9 weeks, you will be here with us. I can't believe that in 9 weeks, your sweet face will be looking up at mine. I have dreamt of you for so long! Did you know that I knew your name when I was just in my 20's? Your Daddy and I have been waiting so long for you, sweetheart. We went through years of trying for you, and disappointment after disappointment. I remember when we knew about your big brother or sister (Gabriel), and it was very exciting! Our hearts were so broken when he or she went to heaven because we thought that all our dreams were dashed. But God healed our hearts and over time we were able to try again. We know someday we would see each other in heaven and be a family again.
We went through treatments and disappointment for a little over a year later after we lost Gabriel. I was told by a specialist that I should focus on getting healthy, and I did. I walked 5 out of the 7 days a week, and at first it was very hard, but then I found it something I looked forward to. I felt good about my body and felt healthy. I used the time in the mornings to walk as time to just talk with God, and also have some fun in my walking praising Him too. In just 7 weeks time, I lost 10 lbs, and I was just so proud of that. We took a break from treatments and just focused on enjoying life for a few months and each other. We weren't expecting you...and then - you entered our lives. For a moment you weren't there, and then sometime around August 19, 2013 - you were there. And you stayed!
My love for you started at the very instant I thought you were there, and when I kept getting negative tests, I still thought that those tests had to be wrong. Even your aunt Jen thought the same thing. She believed you were still there. Well on September 13th (your uncle Wes' birthday), I took my final test and at first it only showed one line. So at first, I was sad again because I thought you weren't there. But then I glanced again - and the 2nd line was there! WOW! Do you know how much I laughed? I was soooo excited. And instead of waiting to surprise your daddy, your mommy had to tell him right away! He was so excited when he found out! We still had some fear though because we didn't want to lose you too. But do you know, that your Daddy prayed for you every single day you have been in my womb since he knew? Yes every single night! He loves talking to you, and he loves this connection he has with you already. Your Daddy just adores you!
I will never forget the first time I saw your heart beating! It was so special! I had never seen a heart beating before on an ultrasound, and even though it should have been a little early to see, there it was! Your heart! I cried so much...tears of joy! You are so our little miracle! From there our love just doubled and tripled in size for you. I remember when your Daddy first heard your heartbeat. He had tears in his eyes for sure. And when we first saw your face on the ultrasound and finding out you were a boy! Words can't describe our emotions! Or when I first felt your little flutters inside me or when I feel your kicks now. It's amazing! You are growing so big! I love how you like to move when I play music, especially when I feel you moving to songs like "How Great is Our God" and "God's Great Dance Floor." I hope you always know the love of God in your life! He loves you SOOO much!
You are our little Caleb Isaac. And someday you will grow up to be something amazing. We pray over your life and pray that God will bless you and use you. I know He will. I know He has some amazing purpose for you that only you can do! You are here for a purpose, and it is special and God-given. And we feel so incredibly blessed that we get to be the parents that raise you. Just know that we will raise you to know God and have a relationship with Him. We hope and pray you do choose Him because He will never leave you nor forsake you. And He is the One who gave you to us! And as much as we love you, God loves you SOO much more! We can't wait to read you stories about how God created the heavens and the earth, about Noah, about Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, about David and Goliath, about Jonah, and of course Jesus! I can't wait to sing to you and rock you to sleep! And for all that I can't wait for those things, your Daddy is in the same boat. He can't wait either!
You have excited grandparents and an ecstatic aunt and uncle as well! Lots of family who just can't wait for your arrival. Do you know how loved you are? You have people around the country who have been praying for you! You are a blessing in every way! Life won't always be easy, and Mommy is scared that I will fail you. I know we are both scared that we will be able to give you everything you need, but we also have faith in God our Heavenly Father. We know He will provide everything we need to take care of you. Just know that we will do everything we can for you and with God's help, we hope to raise you into a God-fearing man! We want you to learn from the things we have learned, and also trust God as your everything!
Just know that we will make mistakes, and sometimes we will even make you mad. I'm sorry. We're trying...and we want to do a good job. Also know that when we have to discipline, it is all out of love. We want you to grow up into the strong man that God designed you to become! Just know that we will do our very best with God's help.
Now this letter is a little emotional for sure, but it's because of the journey, and it's because my love for you is beyond comprehension. I can't wait to see you, sweet boy! Just 9 more weeks. Keep on kicking and growing! And when you see me for the first time - I'm your Mommy. And I will do all I can for you! Same for your Daddy! Love you so much!
See you soon! Love always!
Mommy
