The day Caleb Isaac was born...

Wow...he's here!! What an amazing journey it has been. It has been so fun to account for each milestone during pregnancy, and now he is here in our arms!

I wanted to take a little time to share the day he was born. It was quite a day to say the least! So here it goes:

I had been wanting a pedicure, and so I thought getting an appointment for Friday or Saturday would be great and might get him to move along in the labor process (I had heard that it would). But there were no appointments for Friday or Saturday available. But they could get me in on Thursday (5/22). So I did it! It was wonderful!! Felt soo good and I have cute blue toes! BOY - there must be something to the pedicure thing because at 3 AM on Friday morning, I was having some mild to a little more painful contractions every 7-10 minutes for about 3 hours. But then I felt asleep and it seemed to have stopped.

So Friday morning, as we were leaving to go to the Dr around 8:30 AM (normal weekly appointment), I was telling Todd about the contractions. He asked me if I thought we should bring my camera bag with me in case I need to go the hospital. Ha! I was like "No. We aren't going to go to the hospital. I don't think he is coming today after all."

I didn't know I would have to eat my words later. :)

So we get to the Dr's appointment, and they weigh me and said I gained another 4 pounds in a week (likely water weight). Then they checked my legs and hands for swelling, and I was pretty swollen. I didn't think much of it because I had been dealing with some swelling all week and I was getting used to that feeling. But then they took my blood pressure. Normally, I am around the 120's and low 130's. But this time, I measured at 163! Much higher! But I just figured they would want to keep an eye on me is all...not that I would be going to the hospital.

It was the shortest Dr's appt. yet! Dr. Frederickson came in and was like "so, all of these things indicate you need to go the hospital now for testing." I was told not to stop off at home or anything, but to go directly there! I was shocked! Not only was I NOT having contractions, but no water had broken either.

But we went and arrived to Soin Medical Center around 11 AM. They took blood tests, tested my blood pressure (was steadily getting higher), etc. They had me lay on my side (which is NOT comfortable to me) to help with the blood pressure. At first that seemed to help, but it didn't last long. The nurse said once these blood tests came back, she would talk with the on-call Dr - Dr. Little, and see if he thought I should stay there or go home. I really didn't think they would make me stay.

BUT I was wrong. Dr. Little wanted to induce me and get the contractions going because I hadn't yet started to dialate. I didn't understand why, but it was more or less because they were concerned about preclampsia. They didn't want to have my blood pressure continue to get higher and higher, and honestly, the only way to get rid of all of these symptoms was to have the baby. So they induced me. And easy contractions soon became harder and harder to deal with! They were painful! I went from 7-10 minutes apart to 2-5 minutes. Plus, they were so much stronger and seemed to double up on each other. I never felt like I got a break from the pain. I didn't want to take pain medication, but I gave in at first to Fetanyl that would help "take the edge off." Well - it didn't seem to help really. And I have never hurt soo bad in all my life. I hate contractions. I really really do! There is no pain like it! I was in tears and tried to stick it out because I didn't want an epidural. I was afraid of it going into my spine. It was a big fear of mine. But I eventually gave in because I was literally holding onto my bedside rail for dear life during each contraction trying to focus on the breathing. But I gotta say, no correct breathing was enough to help me through the pain. It was too excrutiating. And like I said earlier - I was having contractions double up on each other, so I never really felt like I got a break from the pain.

Well the epidural seemed to help some with the pain at first, but my blood pressure was only getting higher and higher. The highest I remember hearing was around 192! Things were not getting better and I was only dialated up to 3 cm! Things were not progressing like Dr. Little had hoped. And so around 10:30 PM (I think), Dr. Little came in and said he really really recommended that we have the C-section. They all knew I didn't want to do it. I really didn't want to have a C-Section. It was not something I thought was necessary, but what do we know? We aren't Dr's. But his reasoning was that my blood pressure continued to spike and I was sicker than a dog (vomitting like crazy and in so much pain with no relief), and they were concerned that the placenta was already breaking down and that Caleb wasn't getting the oxygen. So we felt like to save us both, and we had to do it.

So they got me all prepped, and wheeled me into the operating room for my C-Section. Now that was a crazy time! I have never been in the hospital really, and never had surgery before. It felt so weird being wheeled into an operating room full of people looking at me. Todd was on my right side holding my hand, and I felt them opening me up (felt like they were opening me up like a zipper - no pain or anything). They also did a lot of moving things around and pressure, and then - there he was! He was out. I heard his cries and briefly saw his little face and body! He came into the world weighing 6 pounds, 10 ounces and was 19.5 inches long! So he was MUCH tinier than I expected him to be.

Todd all decked out in his gown for the operating room

There he is! Our little man!

Daddy and son - seeing each other face to face

They started to sew me back together, and that is when pain seemed to return. It hurt and then I saw up above me in the lighting a reflection of my body open (all I saw was red!). Okay - so I think that is when I panicked! I was on drugs, but that made me really freak out and panic. Todd said he had never heard me scream in so much agony and fear in all his life. He was sooo freaked out for me. And that is the last I remember....

Todd said they essentially knocked me out because I just couldn't take it anymore. The baby was being looked after by Dr's, and he was fine. I don't know all that happened after that. It was almost dream like. I remember seeing lights from a table and I remember hearing voices, but I didn't know what was going on. I at one point thought I was dead because nothing seemed real, and everything was very hazy. I was really out of it.

My parents had that night to be with us, and so they met me back in my room. I am told that they all talked to me and even did video with me, but I don't remember it. They brought Caleb to me and I do remember briefly holding him. I remember his cries and me telling him that I loved him so much. My family said that he was crying a ton, and when they laid him on my chest, he stopped crying. :) I just wish I could have remembered more. But when I saw him, I instantly fell in love. I do know that much. He is seriously sooo adorable. We make very, very cute babies! :)

Meeting Caleb face to face for the first time

Cuddle time with mommy when I was more aware

And my blood pressure returned to normal after all of that. So thankfully, we are all doing well now. He is healthy and so am I. I was the one in surgery, but I swear Todd had it worse. I know it must have been so emotional for him to see his wife in agony and not be able to fix it, and then have that joyous moment of seeing his son for the first time. So many decisions were made in such a short period of time, but in the end, Caleb is here! And we are sooo thankful!

And he is perfect! He really is! He is soo precious with his cries (though they are getting a little annoying after a while - sleep deprivation will do that!). I love how he looks when he sleeps, and I love how he loves to sleep on my chest. That whole mama's heartbeat thing is amazing and how it just seems to make everything better.

And just a minute to brag about how awesome my husband is....seriously! My recovery has been very hard and so I couldn't retain a lot of the information they were saying to help me get through things, and how to handle Caleb. Todd just became Super Dad and wholeheartedly! He has taken care of us both and did things he never thought he could do. He would ask questions about my medications and what to do to help my recovery, and he asked the questions about what to do for handling things with Caleb. He made lists and was so organized about it to keep track of us both. He rose to the challenge so fiercly and amazingly! I am sooo blessed to have this man as my husband and the father of my child! He truly is the best!

 

I just love both my boys!

 



So yes - we are sleep deprived, but we have this little, amazing, boy that just makes us weepy and proud at the same time. We couldn't be more thankful to God for this beautiful boy. He is our miracle. When Dr's said it would be difficult to ever conceive if ever, and look - here he is. When all the fertility drugs didn't work - God made it possible. Things are tough and we are trying to figure things out, but God is helping us one day at a time. Please continue to keep us in your prayers on this amazing new journey!

Letter to Caleb at 39 weeks...

You are almost here, Caleb!

I'm not sure I could be any more excited. We can't wait to hold you in our arms for the first time. Never have I thought this day would come. Do you know how special you are? You are already so much of our pride and joy, and we haven't even seen you face to face yet. How can it be that we are at our final week before your due date? How did that happen? I'll tell you - God! I truly believe it was God that has held you in my womb and knit you together. You are a bouncing baby boy for sure (if all that movement you give me in my tummy is any indication)! I loved last night as your Daddy put his hand on my belly and I felt and saw you move his hand up! :) I believe you know our voices and you know that is us!

So when you hear us again after you are born - that's us! We are your parents. God has given you to us to take care of you, teach you, love you, and raise you into the amazing person that God has called you to be! If God thinks we can do it, then I have to believe we can (with His help). If you hear us crying - no, we aren't sad. We are overjoyed! That first week of your life here on this earth - please be understanding if we mess up on things. We are learning. We are going to do our best for you because we just love you so much!

I am incredibly humbled to be your mommy. I don't know that I feel worthy of you because I'll admit it - I can be quite selfish. You deserve only the very best, and God thought you would be a perfect fit for us. I hope we live up to that. I'm not saying we won't make mistakes - oh we will. But, my prayer to God is that He gives us the grace we need to get through it and that you will be understanding of our faults. We don't want to make these mistakes. We are learning just as you will be learning too!

I promise to pray for you each and every day of your life here! Probably more than a dozen times a day! I've been telling your Daddy that when I wake up as much as I do now that God is just preparing me for a lifetime of my doing that. I tend to be a worrier, and I really hope I do a better job with that now that you are coming. I don't want to pass worry down to you. I don't want you to be a worrier because it's not healthy, and it's not trusting in God. But as a mother, I know I will look in on you often. I will probably check that you are breathing several times a day. I will probably be over protective of you when it comes to a lot of things, but that's just because I am learning this mom thing.

I'm a work in progress, my sweet boy. I am trying and will try for the rest of my life to be the kind of mom you deserve! You are such an amazing gift, so I want to do right by God. I want to show Him that I take this job as your mom very seriously. Your Daddy is the same way...though he worries much less. I hope you take after him in this regard. :)

So as much as I know I am going to fail at things or struggle, I can promise you the following:

• A home filled with LOVE! You will know love, darling boy! You will be kissed and hugged every single day. And when you are "too old" for that, your mom will still try anyways. Humor me! And even when we are mad or you have done something wrong and we have to punish you, we will still love you. Nothing can change our love for you. Absolutely nothing!
• You will have both of your parents married to each other and love each other! This is a BIGGIE to us. Chances are, you will know and meet a lot of people who comes from single parent homes or their parents are divorced, or something similar. But you will NEVER have that. Your parents will stay married and stay committed and in love with each other until we die. I promise you that. We have seen the heartache that many families go through when their parents divorce, and we resolved LONG before you were conceived that we would NEVER make divorce an option. It just isn't. We love each other sooo very much and always will. Your Daddy is the the man that I will always choose, even in hardship. And considering some of the hardship we have already faced, I know we can and will make it. And we want you to never fear that things aren't safe in your home. We want you to always feel secure in knowing that your parents love you and love each other. We will fight for this family for the rest of our lives.
• You are a Taber, son. You come from Dunmyer's and Taber's - strong values and a lot of stubborness! So no matter what happens in our lives together, we will stay strong as a family and hold tight to God. Your name means faithful to God. I believe that you will be a man that is faithful because our hope is to teach you all that God has done in our lives and show you all the stories, etc of his love. And someday, we hope and pray you will choose Him for yourself. We will not compromise when it comes to the world's values or God's values. God's values will win every time in our book. Even if the government tells us to obey them over God, we will choose God! So when we emphasize something to you as being important because that's what God says, understand we have learned a lot in our 33 + years of life and have seen firsthand that what God says is truly the best thing. He doesn't tell us to live a certain way or do certain things because He is mean. It's because He knows the heartache and pain that can come from choosing to do the opposite. And we have learned that firsthand when we have made mistakes. We are thankful that God's grace covers that too!
• You are a child of the One True King. Yes - Jesus! He adores you and will be with you ALL the days of your life. I promise. You have to be the one to choose Him though. You will sin and make mistakes in this life. There is a lot of sin and pain in this world,  and we all fall short and make mistakes. But the amazing thing is - God's love covers all of that. Jesus came and died and rose again so that you can have a relationship with Him. We don't expect you to understand any of this right now (as you are just a tiny little baby in my womb), but someday, we hope to explain it in a way you understand. Jesus loves you sooo very much though, Caleb. He knew about you and knew what you were going to be LONG before we even knew you were there. He has a perfect plan for your life and designed you to be someone He can use. What that is - I'm not sure. But we will be praying for you every single day that you will discover that for yourself. We just know that you do have a purpose that God designed just for you! And we are here to help you along your life's journey too. We will be your biggest fans! We will be your biggest support!
• You have some of the best extended family possible! Your grandparents are incredible people and love you SOOOO much! They will teach you all kinds of things themselves, and are also very faithful to God. In fact, they were the ones that taught me! And you have an amazing aunt and uncle that adore you and pray for you! Your aunt Jen is a lawyer now and your uncle Wes knows SOOO much about American history. I am sure they will be HUGE advocates for you and you will learn MUCH from them as well. You have other aunts and uncles, whether blood related or not, that adore you and have prayed for you. You are well loved and have an incredible support system.
• We want to have fun! Yes - this is important in a family. We will do what we can to have family vacations because those were always some of my most favorite memories growing up. I want you to experience camping, I want you to experience hiking and see the beach and mountains! I want you to see real life penguins, and of course all the other animals (yes - your Momma just loves penguins as you will see). We want to play board games together as a family and have family movie nights too. Life has a lot of hardship for sure, but we want to bring you joy and happiness in this life too! We want you to soak up all of these experiences because they are important!
• We will want you to read for fun and for learning. You will have to read in school for sure, but our hope is that you WANT to read for fun and learning as well. We will read to you as you grow up and I hope that will make you want to read and go on some amazing adventures yourself in books!
• We will be a family that plays music and will sing in the car, praise God, etc. Music is soo important. I can't even name all of the songs in this life that have impacted me in a huge way...or that bring memories to mind. Music is very important. So we will sing songs with you as you grow up, and when on vacations, don't be surprised if we sing silly songs like "Do Your Ears Hang Low," and "Grandma, Where Out Thou Going," You will love music...I mean, I remember when I played "God's Great Dance Floor" and "Happy" and you were all moving around in my belly. I hope that was because you liked the sound! :)

And these are just some of the things we want for you! We love you, dear boy! Thank you for being our boy! We know you are God's promise to us, and we are soo blessed to have you!

And we are waiting for your arrival, but if God wants you in there a little longer, well I can wait. Just know we are soooo very excited for you! See you soon face to face, Caleb!

Love, Mommy and Daddy!

38 week update (and we are still waiting for Caleb's debut)!

38 weeks - Apart from Jesus Himself, this is the best gift!

How far along? 38 weeks exactly!

Total weight gain/loss: Total of 23 lbs since early September 2013. It's amazing how much I've gained just in the past month!

Maternity Clothes? Oh wouldn't be possible without them.

Stretch marks? Oh yes - but it's okay. They are a reminder of this beautiful life inside me!

Sleep: Sleeping is my favorite thing to do! Even after I get lots of sleep, I still want to sleep more. It's definitely getting closer!

Best moment this week: Hearing Caleb's heartbeat, feeling his movements (and his hiccups), the sweet moments we have as a family before we all go off to sleep and we pray together, seeing my husband's giddiness, and just the anticipation of his arrival!

Miss Anything? There are things I will get soon enough, but I just can't wait to see Caleb!

Movement? LOTS! Hiccups and punches and kicks! He has definitely moved down because I feel some pain around my pubic bone!

Food Cravings? Kinda getting bored of most food...though I still LOVE cereal!

Anything making you queasy or sick? This week I did get queasy but that probably because of a migraine.  

Have you started to show? No longer a question worth answering ;)

Labor Signs? Yeah a little bit here and there...just early stuff.

Belly button in or out? It's in, but it is definitely losing a lot of the "in" and becoming more flat now. ;) sooo crazy!

Wedding rings off or on? They are still on amazingly. But if I notice I am getting warm, I have to take them off for a bit of time.

Happy or Moody most of the time? HAPPY! EXCITED!! I am more emotional lately because I am just sooo antsy and want him here!

Wisdom: I know a couple of people who are pregnant, and one in particular will complain (she's very early in her pregnancy) about EVERYTHING! She doesn't get sick, but she still feels a need to complain about everything and every single day she complains. And it honestly breaks me down because she keeps saying stuff like "ugh, pregnancy is soooo hard" and "ugh, there is nothing glamorous or fun about it." And I had to correct her because YES there is amazing things about pregnancy. You are carrying this beautiful little life that didn't use to be there, but God is knitting together in your womb. You have this little person who is growing every single day, and there are women who would DO ANYTHING to be in your shoes right now! The first time you see and hear that heartbeat or the first time you feel the flutters that eventually turn into kicks and fun movements....all special and amazing things. So don't take for granted what you have because I know plenty of people in this world who want to be where you are right now. I know this from my own past, and yet I know that my own past isn't as hard as others have had it. So I have made it a point to appreciate the little and the big things. God gave you this moment right now - enjoy it to the fullest!
 

Looking forward to: 2 weeks til our due date!! Will he arrive early, on time, or will he just be way too cozy in there to want to come out? I don't know. I am hoping he is on time, but ultimately my prayer is that God will bring him out when it is the RIGHT time! I can't wait to see him face to face!

Just for Fun: My CH2M HILL office family threw me a shower this week, and it was truly special! See photos below:

 

 

A time to say thank you!

I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who has prayed for us in the past 3 years! We have had an amazing journey filled with grief, but also amazing joy! As I sit here thinking about how we are at full term with this little boy right now, and it just makes me soo humbled and thrilled at the same time. Our little boy is going to be coming very very soon! I can't believe it!

I remember being diagnosed with PCOS and hearing the words "it may be incredibly difficult to ever get pregnant," and just feeling devastated by the news. I remember back in July 2012, after we had lost our sweet Gabriel that we only knew about for a few short days. I remember the hurt just like it was yesterday. I still think of our baby Gabriel, and especially after watching "Heaven is for Real" this past weekend, it just confirms to me that I know my baby is just fine in heaven. I know he or she is safe and in the arms of Jesus and someday we will be a family together again. I also think about the precious letter from an amazing woman in our lives who also gave us this beautiful penguin wood carving (see below).

She had told us that the Holy Spirit told her when she saw this carving, that it was a promise for me and Todd. I was truly at my lowest point in life, and right then and there, the God of the Universe talked through her to comfort us in that moment. While at the time, we were still grieving, I often thought about that promise. I often wondered if and when that would happen for us again and if it did happen, would we be able to keep that baby? The grief I held onto was soo strong and it took such a long time for me to heal. And little did I know that in late August, this precious little boy would come into our lives and hearts!

And ever since the moment that I thought I was possibly pregnant, my sister told me that they prayed for this boy! And even after I got negative tests, my sister continued to pray because she believed it had to be wrong. My husband was the same way. And when I found out for sure, my husband and I prayed every single night for this child - and we still do! And when we finally told family and friends, the support became even stronger and more and more people (like you) just sent us words of encouragement and prayers.

We were blessed with a baby blanket that my Dad received from a kind woman on an airplane. I will never forget that story. He was talking with this woman and she was knitting a blanket at the time they were talking. He mentioned they were awaiting a grandchild and told a little about our story. Before they get off the plane, she hands him this sweet little turtle blanket that she was working on during the plane ride to give to us. That story still brings tears to my eyes. In fact, it just so happens that Todd LOVES turtles. So it was just so amazing how that all happened.

We have had people all over the country share words of support, encouragement, and love to us, and from people we didn't even know were praying! I still hear about people I don't even know who are praying for us because of people like you who asked them to pray. And when I submit my weekly celebratory Instagrams of love to Caleb, I have had people (people I never expected would pay any attention to those updates) comment how much they love seeing these updates. I feel overwhelmed and humbled with the love and support people have shown us! It's amazing how much prayer this little boy has received already and he isn't even out of my womb yet! To say we appreciate your love and prayers is an understatement. I don't think I could ever convey how much we appreciate your love, support, and prayers! I truly believe in the power of prayer, and I believe those prayers and support are what has helped make this pregnancy go as smoothly as it has! I know we aren't all the way done yet (still have another 2.5 weeks or so), but God has blessed us with people like you! I truly believe he has used people like you to be His Hands and Feet to us during this time! I truly believe that your kindness and prayers will also be returned back to you as well!

So really this post is just to say thank you! Please know that it is because of your faithfulness to praying for us and love that has helped make much of this possible.

So in just a few short weeks - this little rainbow baby will be here! Stay tuned for the exciting news!

Another onesie I made for our rainbow! 

Much love to all of you!