So I have shared that we are expecting...AGAIN! 😊 It feels a little more real now. Let's just say, when you have experienced heartache and disappointment in the past, until you see the heartbeat on the ultrasound, it's hard to be sure what to feel.
I started feeling sick the week of August 21st. I knew I was late, but I was just thinking that my PCOS symptoms had returned. Didn't occur to me at first during the week of August 14th that I might be pregnant. Nah. And then nausea came on. I mean, it came with full force! I had eaten some barbeque the week before at a training course I was taking. And it tasted so good, that I told Todd I would like to have barbeque again the following week. Apparently that was a mistake! Because when we had barbeque the following week, suddenly it was the most disgusting thing I ever tasted (by the way - the barbeque was from the same place both times). So anyways...that tipped me off. Heartburn, nausea, and just plain feeling like crap. I suppose it could have been the flu, but having been through pregnancy twice before, I knew what I was feeling. My husband told me it would be best to hold on taking a test until the end of the month so as to avoid possible disappointment. I held off an additional work week, but I couldn't wait much longer.
So on August 25th, our Shipt grocery delivery came while I was working from home, and I was expecting the pregnancy test! Waiting all morning! They delivered all of our groceries, and instead of putting things away, no, no. I decided to immediately take the test. And you know how sometimes when you take a test, it seems like it takes forever for the test to "show something." Not this time! This time, it came immediately! Within the first 30 seconds of the test, there were two pink lines!
There was some panic in me. After all, as a working mom, I already feel like I am stretched to my max as it is. When I drive to Cincinnati for work, that is 3 hours out of my day of just plain driving. I like working at home more so that I can make better use of my time. But it's not always feasible, nor should I always work at home. But I always worry that I am not doing enough for Caleb as it is, and then mom guilt comes in, and I wonder how the heck am I going to be a good mom for 2 kids?! Having one kiddo has been the joy of my life, and I still work and help in providing for our family. But add one more, and I am like "EEEK...can I do that?!" It's just my honest feelings.
Todd has known and believed that we were having another baby since September 2014. I won't go into all of the personal details of that, but Todd believes God told him we are having another baby, and the baby will be a girl. And without giving into all the details, Todd was pretty close on his estimated guess of when it would happen (within 2 months). Todd has watched the promise given to him unfold just as he was told. You'd think being a Christian woman and wife that believes her husband, that it wouldn't have come as a shock to me. Well that would be a lie. I was still shocked. You know the story of Sarah in the Bible? Remember how she didn't believe she would ever have a child, even though God told her it would happen. And then I think about my reaction and how I was literally taken aback (even though I shouldn't have), and was kinda freaking out for a while. I am ashamed that I wasn't full of faith and expectation and hope. I guess me and my namesake don't fall too far from the same tree! 😉
Heck - I have witnessed God's power and amazing ability to make dreams come true with Caleb. I mean, He gave us an incredible little boy after so much pain, disappointment and loss, that I should have had more faith in His promises. I feel quite hypocritical to say the least. I guess you could say this has been a time where I have been humbled. I mean, really humbled.
And many of you will think we are nuts for calling the baby a "her" already. But having witnessed God's movement in our lives and just how it's all unfolding, mark our words....when we find out for sure the sex, the baby is a girl! Understand, that even if we were somehow wrong about the baby being a girl, it wouldn't change our love for this little one. But don't be surprised - we are having a girl!
And we told Caleb at a restaurant that night. We explained that Mommy had a baby her her belly and that someday soon, the baby will come out and he will help play with her, and love her as a big brother. He wears that badge proudly already! He tells everyone who will listen that he is a "big brudda!" And he will rub my belly and kiss it. One time, he came up to my belly and said "Hi buddy!" It was so cute. And even more recently, he was telling me that nobody messes with his baby! (Melt my heart - he believes this baby is his!) I do believe Caleb is ready for his role!
And the baby - well she is doing well. We found out on Monday, September 11th, that she is 8 weeks, 5 days, and she is due around April 18th. Her heartbeat was measured around 176 bpm, and we even saw her wiggle a little in there. And I love that we can already make out a head, little arms, legs, and a bottom. I think it was really important for me to see her moving and see the heartbeat so I could really believe this was happening.
And then when I realized that this little blessing was conceived in the month of July, I can't help but be amazed of how He can take a terrible month like July for our family (when we lost our Gabriel), and turn it around to be a blessing. God really does build beauty from ashes. This baby isn't a replacement and neither is Caleb. But, I truly believe God can redeem the pain of the past!
Or when I think of how this time last year, I was two weeks away from being let go from my job of almost 12 years, and how God provided another job within 3 months time. God provided for us financially during that hiatus, and provided the much needed health we needed in there for 1 1/2 months without insurance. And even though I am still feeling out this new job, so far, I think it is going well. And I have a job to provide for all 4 of us now! God's timing is perfect!
This little sweetheart is a blessing already. Her existence is evidence of God's promises being fulfilled, and that you can trust Him to keep those promises. Is it easy to always trust - no way! I am evidence that I don't have it all together and that I don't always trust Him as I should. But, I guess I am taking from all of this that God's plans will unfold, in His timing, His way, and all to glorify Him!
The morning sickness (or it should be called "all day sickness") has been quite brutal this time around. I remember when I was having Caleb, and I very rarely felt very sick. Caleb was a breeze compared to this pregnancy. But, I know it means that she is doing well. So if that's the case, I guess bring on the yucky feelings! (please be gentle though 😉) I have an early screening for various things at the end of this month, but one of the things is they confirm the sex. So likely by October, we should know for sure that the baby is a girl! 💓
So there's the story! I look forward to feeling better hopefully soon, and I appreciate all of the advice to help me with my nausea! Peppermint so far is really helping! Thank you all for your congratulations, for your friendship, and for your love, and here's to a happy and healthy pregnancy!
Much Love,
Sarah, Todd, Caleb, and Baby Girl Taber
