Happy New Year (Almost!)
I haven't blogged in quite a while, but I update on Alexandria all the time on Facebook and Instagram. I can't believe where we were just this time last year. I was pregnant with Alexandria and full of concerns because of my blood pressure concerns and the "specialists" were saying she was "small" for her gestation. And little did I know that in just a month and a week after the New Year, I would be delivering my baby girl at 30 weeks! Wow...what a year! What a year!
So much about this year was heart-wrenching, terrorizing to my heart and soul, and just damn hard! But, I got to watch a miracle in the making! I got to watch God touch my little girl as she overcame obstacle after obstacle! She is still overcoming obstacles, and her feisty and fiery personality really shine through! She is also a very content, and quite happy baby! Only time she isn't happy is if we take too long to get her food! Haha! Or if she is teething, and the pain is really bad. But otherwise, this girl is just happy! And I am thankful to God for helping her grow from a 2 lb 9.6 ounce baby girl fighting for her life to a baby girl that is 17+ pounds! When I see the rolls in her legs, God gets an instantaneous "Praise God" for giving her that opportunity to get rolls! She is the bright spot in every single day! Seriously!
Just look at where she was! She was soooo tiny, and now look at her!
And I got to watch my son truly become the BEST BIG BROTHER ever! I have never seen a kid take on the big brother role so well! He has his moments of jealousy for sure, but he absolutely adores his sister! He didn't need convincing that he was going to be the best big brother, he already knew he would do whatever he could to protect his sister, and just truly love her! He loves to make her laugh. he loves to hold her. He loves to tickle her! He loves to help in any way with her! Caleb has grown up SOOO much this year. We watched him start the year as a 3 year old little boy and grew up like crazy to this 4 1/2 year old big boy that is doing amazing at pre-K and loves to learn! He is still his Mama's boy as there is nothing like him putting his arms around me to hug me and tell me I am gorgeous! Or that he loves me so much! Or how he grabs my hand just to hold it and snuggle up to me! I am beyond proud of my boy! He is so smart, funny, and sweet! He continues to amaze me each day!
I love how much he loves her!
I can't believe how big he is getting!
And this year, Todd and I celebrated 10 years of marriage! That's no small feat, especially in a world where most people give up. Believe me, you don't go through 10 years of marriage and not have problems. And there were many problems. We started our marriage thinking we were awesome, and we celebrated 10 years knowing it was God that got us through the past 10 years and will continue to help us through the next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, etc. We also had some amazing times. Our children are truly some of the best gifts we could ever receive! Especially after enduring infertility issues and the loss of our first child. We endured through accidents, loss, family struggles, financial issues, job loss, family tragedies, scary hospital visits, and a baby in the NICU. But through it all, God provided and helped us through it. And Todd and I became tighter and stronger through it as well. The things we went through were the kind of things that broke apart many couples. We aren't special because we are still together...if anything, we are just thankful that we said from Day 1 that when we didn't have strength, we weren't in this marriage as just the two of us. We had Jesus as our foundation. So all the credit goes to Jesus for helping us. Plus, we are truly comfortable with each other. We have history that we don't ever want to throw away. He is truly my best friend! He may piss me off, and many times, he has pissed me off more than any one else! But, I'm thankful that there is no "walking on glass" with this man! We know each other. We know what makes the other person angry. We know the issues. We know the good and the bad. And that's a beautiful thing. I truly do hope and pray that these next years are full of love and life in our marriage. That we enjoy this next year more together, and that life only gets better! I hope that the passion we have truly becomes alive this year too! I truly do look forward to growing old with this man...I want us to be that old couple in the rocking chairs on a summer day holding hands and looking back on our life and thankful. Thankful for all we have, thankful for all our memories, and thankful for all of God's blessings to us.
My absolute, best friend! God gave me him!
Oh we still have passion for sure! Love him so much!
Now that we are complete as a family (as complete as you can be with one baby in heaven), we are looking forward to the next chapters ahead of us. No more newborns (which, in a way is sad) but we have school days ahead, lunches to pack, field trips to accompany, dates with my husband, vacations as a family, etc. I hope that 2019 is less stressful to say the least. I have seen with my own eyes what God can do. So, I hope even when bad crap happens, I handle it better. Maybe even just trust God from the start, instead of fretting. Because in the end, God does have it. I hope that I can raise my kids to fret less than I ever did. I pray I can help them see that walking with God is way better than a life without Him.
I hope I also give myself more grace than I have. I want to be a better mom, but I also don't want to put myself down when I do mess up. I can be really hard on myself. I'd like to be better for Caleb and Alexandria. I hope that this year, I invest myself more in my kids and play more and become imaginative and do all I should for them. I hope that I give Caleb the attention he needs and show him how important he is to me! I hope that I show Alexandria that she means the world to me as well, and that I see life through her eyes more! I hope that this year I just argue less with my husband, and just love him. That I really show him love and how much he means to me. That he feels the appreciation and joy I have when he is around! I pray that in 2019, I just become a better version of myself - one that seeks God in everything, and that enjoy my family whole heartedly! That I yell less! That I kiss and hug my kids and husband more! That I say "I love you" more! I also pray that in my work life, that I rise to the occasion and really work hard and do my absolute best when I am there. But then when I am done for the day, that I leave it at the office. That I enjoy and truly love on and appreciate my parents, Jen, Wes, etc more! That they know without any doubt how much I love them! I pray that I can be a healthier version of myself, and lose that baby weight and other weight that PPD/PTSD contributed to. I pray that I can run and play with my kids and forget about Facebook/social media/news and just spend time in the moments! That each month, we make memories and have fun doing it! Life isn't always fun, but I don't want to look back and say "Oh there was nothing good we did that month." I want to make each month in 2019 full of bright times and special memories.
I am not making resolutions per se, but I do want to do these things. I want to be better! I want to be better for my family! I want to be better for my job! And I want to be closer to Jesus!
So here's to 2019!
