Moving Forward in 2012

So it's been a while since I posted on here. A lot has happened since my last post. I took the exam (which I didn't pass, but I am going to try again in October), I had my wonderful 3 year wedding anniversary (see pics) with my sweetheart in Pennsylvania, went to Virginia for Thanksgiving, had Christmas and New Years here in Ohio with family and friends, and then I worked 9 days straight for a huge remediation project in Bremen. Very busy indeed, but grateful for the many blessings that came from all of those experiences (even failing the exam).

Our 3 year anniversary trip in Pennsylvania - this was taken at the Hershey Chocolate Factory on our anniversary!

 Went to Virginia Beach for Thanksgiving to be with my sister! Such a special time together as a family!

 The Taber's ringing in the new year with friends in Columbus!

All dressed in my safety garb in Bremen for the remediation project.


I have been in a mood lately...a mood that is, well...sad! I have been throwing my own self pity parties because 2011 was sucky and I didn't get what I wanted. I have lost people in my life this past year, I have had to pay more for car repairs this year than I expected, I was told that I have PCOS and that I will have a hard time getting pregnant (and it's been a whirlwind of emotions, let me tell you), I didn't pass the PE exam, our neighbors smoke like chimneys and have played their music so loud that it has caused us to really hate living here), and the list goes on. Yeah so maybe not the worst things, but not the best. And I have literally cried over all of those things. I have allowed myself to get so caught up in misery, that I haven't been  much of a friend, wife, daughter, or sister lately. For all of you, I am sorry. I am sorry that instead of looking to Jesus, I looked to myself and my misery and complained. For those who had to deal with my constant emotional rollercoaster, I am sorry. Yeah it sucked, but I wasn't even trying to listen to God. I wasn't even trying to see if there was a lesson I could learn, or if I could gain something positive from that experience. I was so blinded by my own pain and worry and fears, that I probably neglected some of my own family and friends. I am sorry for that. 

Yes, I lost some family and friends this year, and I don't want to talk about those things on here. I don't think it is right to put those people on a blog that others can read about. But, my prayer is that God will heal those relationships. I am praying that I become a better person to those people, and a better prayer warrior. I have learned that prayer does AMAZING things, and I need to be that for those people. Maybe instead of focusing on the hurt, I should be ready always to pray, and to forgive. These experiences have taught me the importance of being authentic. Relationships that are all surface aren't very good relationships. It's when we are real and authentic, willing to hear the good and the bad from a person, that we can grow as people and in those relationships. And the most valuable relationships I have, are the people that love me in spite of my wrongs. Those are the people I want and need in my life. I hope I can be authentic and show love and grace to people, even when I have been hurt.

Also, being told you have PCOS sucks! But there is still hope. Todd has been my champion who will celebrate with me when we have small victories in this area. He has held me when I was so full of sadness too. But I am starting to change certain habits, and I am on some medication too. I believe that God still has our little Caleb or Alexandria in the future, and I am not giving up on that dream! God willing, we will meet them someday soon. And a song came on the radio today that reminded me that God doesn't delay...He has a time and purpose for everything! His plans are NOT on my time table. But until then, I am learning that I want to grow even closer to God and become even better prepared as a mom. Maybe I can't do everything to prepare, but I can grow closer to God, my husband and family, and be the friend that others want too. Those are things I want to show my kids someday. Those are the values I will instill in them.

Yes, I was also hurt when I failed the PE exam, but God showed me that I should keep on trying. He showed me that just because I believed He could make it possible that I pass the exam, He also wants me to really learn the areas that I didn't do very well in. I have another 9 months to prepare, but that's okay. I know the areas I need to dive into, and I also learned that all that preparation I did last year wasn't in vain. I did SOOOO much better. I even got 100% on a hard section. So I can't really complain. I do believe God wants me to really understand those sections (only a couple) that I didn't do well in. He wants me to excel too! We always focus so much on having God help us and make things happen, but we should also realize, we shouldn't expect God to do it all! He gave us a brain, two hands, and two feet for a reason. We need to put sweat into it. And maybe I thought I prepared very well last time, but I learned there are two other sections that really need work too. And then in October when I take it again, I will be all the more ready. Lord willing, I will pass it too. Maybe those two sections are sections that I will need to do well in the exam so I can do well in those areas in my work life. And honestly, when I do pass, no one will be more excited and feel more thrilled than me!

And lastly, we have had to pay for repairs, and God has always provided the funds to do it. And yeah our neighbors are pretty darn rude and terrible, but even that has gotten better. God has provided and taken care of us through all of those tough times, and He gave us pretty amazing times too. I guess this blog was more or less to say that I am sorry to those that I have neglected because I was so focused on my sadness. And it's also to say that God is teaching me, and I hope and pray that regardless of what happens in 2012, that I am the best wife, daughter, sister, and friend that I can be. I will mess up, as I am not perfect. But I will do my best.

Thank you to those who stuck it out with me in 2011...to those who love me in spite of my emotional rollercoaster rides...and to those that want a real, authentic relationship with me.