To my friends and family - I wish....
1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn’t mean [Gabriel] doesn’t deserve your recognition.
2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried, you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you.
3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven’t forgotten [Gabriel] and that you do care and understand.
4. I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about [Gabriel].
5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.
6. I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it’s not all like that.
7. I wish you wouldn’t pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.
8. I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.
9. I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m “over it” or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no “normal” way for me to act.
10. I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.
11. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be “over and done with” in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be “over” this.
12. I wish you wouldn’t think that my baby wasnt’t really a baby and that [Gabriel] was just blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby had a life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. My baby was real person – and [Gabriel] was alive.
13. My babies due date [February 15, 2013], Mothers Day, celebration times, the day I lost [Gabriel] are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.
14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to “”normal” you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you’ll still like me.
15. I wish you wouldn’t tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace [Gabriel]. Babies aren’t interchangeable.
16. I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it’s not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.
17. I wish you wouldn’t think that you’ll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one. [I noticed after it had been 2 weeks since it happened, everyone avoided talking to me. Yeah I know, life goes on, but just because life has gone on, doesn't mean that I am "all better." A simple note of encouragement would let me know I am not forgotten.]
18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.
19. I wish you wouldn’t say that it’s natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect no matter what you think nature is saying. [And it still hurts, even if that were true!]
20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say “next time things will be okay”. The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?
-Author Unknown
I like to think that when someone has lost a baby, maybe God thought the child was too perfect to suffer life on earth with the rest of us. I worry everytime I have a friend who has lost a child. It has happened more times than I every guessed it would. It hurts me to see you suffer, but please know I am thinking of you and praying for you still. At this point I know it would be difficult for me to be there for you the way you need, because I'm expecting so soon, and most of my life at this moment is preparing for that. Just keep going and cherishing the happy memories you have of your beautiful child. I'll still be around if you ever do want to talk or visit.
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