The day our newest blessing came into our lives…

By this title – yes that’s true. We are pregnant!! J I’m still in shock!

I had “felt” pregnant as early as late August; however, the first test I took was negative. Well – still thinking I was, I waited until Friday, September 6^th. And much to my dismay, it was negative. I was so disappointed. For years now, we have been trying, and we had one (possibly two) miscarriage in there that just rocked our world. Most people were aware of that difficult time, as I found a voice and shared some of my deepest hurts.

But, for the past few months, I have been on a lifestyle change (for the good)! I was walking and doing exercises every day, I was eating SOOOO much better for me, and I felt good. In fact, in 7 weeks’ time, I lost 10 lbs! I was so proud of myself. I thought that maybe this just meant God wanted me to get healthier, and so I just kept on going. I was disappointed for a couple of days, and I still didn’t understand why I didn’t have my cycle (but not overly confused because I do have a history of crazy cycles). But no matter, I still kept going. It was September 13^th, when I decided to take one last test because I was like “Well, I need to know for sure so I can get ready to take some meds that “kick start” my cycle again.” So that morning I took a test, and at first I thought I only saw one pink line (like before), and I took another minute, and looked and to my shock and surprise – there were two pink lines! TWO!!!! No way – could this be? I can’t be pregnant! Really, God?!! And then I just started laughing! I was in complete shock! And then I kept saying to myself, “I knew I was pregnant, and I let a test make me depressed!” And there was lots of thank you’s to God at that moment too! J

I could have told my husband in a very romantic way or some crazy surprise, but as I learned the first two times I had positive tests in the past, I didn’t want to wait to do anything. I just wanted to tell him then. I didn’t know how long I would get to be excited about this little one because of my history. So as my husband woke up, I said…”Well sweetie, looks like I won’t be having champagne for my birthday dinner after all.” And I smiled really big! He got my hint – and we hugged instantly! And on that following Monday (September 16^th), the Dr’s confirmed it! So what a FANTASTIC birthday present!!

Side bar – we had been trying with fertility drugs for well over a year and a half, and those drugs can really take a toll on a woman. They made me feel awful and I just didn’t like them. Plus – you can only take it so many times before your body just doesn’t do what is intended with those drugs. So after April 2013, we were off any drugs for like 3 months! So that’s what made this extra special. This wasn’t science (which I have nothing bad to say about that because God made science, and I will never condemn science), this was all God!! Not only do I have PCOS (which makes it SUPER hard to conceive), we also stopped fertility drugs. So I didn’t expect it to happen. But so incredibly thankful it did!

So after a week has passed and I was getting blood taken by the vampires (a.k.a the medical lab technicians) like every few days to test my hormone levels, I finally told my family! I gave my parents a onesie that says “I love my Grandma and Grandpa!” and we also told Jen and Wes on Skype! So much joy! I never had joy with pregnancy before. I only had fear and dread and sadness. I only ever got to call my mom to tell her that I was miscarrying. So of course, I had some fear still, wondering if my hormone levels were doing as they should. The ultrasound technician also said they didn’t see much on the ultrasound and expected based on my last cycle that I should be 7 weeks. But, I was measuring 4 weeks with my gestational sac, and that could either mean I was just MUCH earlier than they thought or I was losing this one as well. Well, I knew in my heart they had to be wrong by assuming 7 weeks. I knew that because again – this girl has never been normal, and so to compare me like the normal females out there was just plain stupid. And then the hormone level results came back – YES they were doubling as they were supposed to!

And Thursday, September 26^th – they wanted me to come back in for another ultrasound. They had told me they didn’t expect to see a heartbeat, but there on the screen, was the beautiful fluttering of our baby! Our baby’s heartbeat! Words cannot express how I felt that day. I had never felt joy like this…there was our baby! They even told me that normally you can’t see a heartbeat until 5 weeks 5 days, and that just so happened to be what I was measuring at. And it made me just speechless. I thought about how maybe that heart just started beating that morning, and it made me think about the verse “You knit me together in my mother’s womb…” and tears just filled my eyes. This baby already has some great purpose because God knows each of us so intimately, and He knew me and you well before our parents even knew us. And here was our baby – He knows this baby too! He has a divine purpose for this little one, and more tears in my eyes! Wow! Never have I visited the OBGYN and felt like I had been at church! All in that moment – God whispered to me “Sarah, enjoy the moment. Enjoy it!” And I did! I texted Todd that I got to see our baby’s heartbeat and he told me that when he saw that, he teared up. He was just as overwhelmed. I came home from work and he was just so incredibly giddy and all smiles. We went out to celebrate our baby’s heartbeat! J And since we found out, I have fallen so much more in love with my husband, but it’s because of the way he is already being daddy to this little one. I don’t want to share all of our intimate details because some of those are just for us. But, wow…just wow! I am still in awe!

So now I am 7 weeks 1 day as I am writing this, and I am still in just amazement. We pray every single day over this child, and we intend on doing that throughout the pregnancy too. And there is so much more I could share, but I will save it or just keep it in my heart. But – again – no words can ever express my gratitude to God. I know He is the Author and Giver of life! And He gave us this beautiful baby (I know right now, he or she looks like a little blob, but that’s our baby)!

I know that some people are probably surprised and are “holding their breath” because I announced my pregnancy not at the 13 week mark, but at 7 weeks. I know just as much as anyone that anything can happen and your life can change in an instant! I know – I get it. But Todd and I have committed to faith in God through this instead of allowing fear to rule our hearts. My flesh says “panic” and “worry.” But my God says to leave it in His Hands and trust that He has everything in control. In fact, in 2 Timothy 1:7, it says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” And let me tell you, I’ve been praying that every single day since I found out. We know that God has this baby in His arms and we know God is in control.

So will you please join us in praying for this little life as we continue on through the weeks and months until May 24, 2014 (our due date)?! We believe firmly in the power of prayer, and I ask for your continued prayers over this child as well. Thank you already for those prayers (and you didn’t even know what you were praying for)! We have an amazing family of support that encompass our family by blood and our family by love! We couldn’t be where we are without God of course, but also without your support and love.

Stay tuned for more of Baby Taber’s journey in the upcoming months! J