He's One Month!

One month old!

 

 

"For this child, I have prayed..."

So our little guy is officially one month old today! So crazy that one month ago, we were going to a Dr's appointment that led to me to going to the hospital and eventually having our sweet boy! The first week at home was rough, but I can honestly say, it did get better. If you told me it would get better, you were right. :)

That's not to say we don't have really rough days or nights (oh we still do!), but I feel like I can do a number of things and those things will alleviate his crying. He is growing (even though it's been only 2 weeks since his last appointment, I can tell he is getting more weight on him). His cries used to intimidate, but I am really starting to handle those cries better. I would rather him not cry, but it's okay if I lay him down and he cries. It's okay if I take a few minutes longer to use the restroom, make my lunch or dinner, take care of laundry, etc. He doesn't break if he cries. I have taken care of this tiny little person for a whole month, and so far, he hasn't broken! :) In fact, I am learning some things that really make me proud. For instance, I know when he sometimes just seems to want to keep eating, that sometimes it is because he isn't sure if what he is feeling is gas pains or hunger pains. I have been able to read some of those signs and know that he really doesn't need more food and he really just needs to be massaged/burped to get all of that gas out. Sometimes, yes he wants more food. But, I am proud that I am learning the signs between the two.

He continues to "try to talk" to us. I love listening to him really try. It's amazing how determined he really is. I also love seeing him lift his head for longer periods of time now. He has been lifting that sweet head since Day 1, but even more so this past month. He also uses his arms and lifts himself up too! I love seeing how strong he is getting. His legs are getting even stronger and sometimes we will lift him up on his feet and he seems to want to stand for a few seconds. Plus the boy kicks like crazy (his diaper changes are a testament to that because he kicks like crazy while we are doing that). He is SOO observant. He loves to look at everything. He is so mesmerized by contrasting colors, and if he is really fascinated, he will lift that sweet head of his and strain really far to see it better. He hasn't fully smiled (without it being gas or sleeping times) at us yet, but when he does smile, it just melts me. When he smiles, he has these cute little cheek dimples. UGH! I can't take how cute he is sometimes. I can't wait til I know he really is smiling at us and when he laughs. That will just make my life! :)

I went out with him by myself and drove to Hillsboro to see Alana this past week. That was a big deal! I haven't gone anywhere by myself with him before and he slept the whole way there and he pretty much slept all the way back. I love that he loves the car seat! :) It was nice to get out and do something fun and normal for me to do! It was nice to have some adult conversation and get out of the house! And anyone that is around Caleb, just loves him to pieces. It's a pride thing - this momma just loves when people gush over him! :) At the end of this month, we plan on going north of Columbus for a fun 4th of July picnic with friends. It's a big deal to get out! :) I am hoping all goes well with that adventure!

This next month, we plan on doing some different things to hopefully get him to sleep more in a bassinet or crib before I go back to work at the end of July. I know he can't sleep with us forever, and we really miss sleeping in our bed together. Because at the moment, our sleep routine is Todd and I taking turns with sleeping with him on our chests on the couch or guest bed, while the other is in our bed sleeping (I don't need judgement from anyone on this - we did what we had to do to survive). But I hope we help him to learn to like other places to sleep. He is still so little, so it's okay if it takes him a while to understand this. But we have to start trying to get him to sleep in his bassinet or bed. Please pray for God to give us wisdom on this. We want to do the right thing for our family and we want to help him sleep.

I love this little guy more each day. It's kind of an amazing thing. I have known him outside of my womb only one month, but I also have 10 months of knowing him in my womb. It's amazing how some of what I thought he would be like by signs he was giving me inside the womb are very true. He really is stubborn. He really is a snuggler. He really does KICK up a storm! :) And when I am frustrated and tired, I am reminded of how we prayed for this little guy and here he is. God really answered our prayers! He really is the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen, and I am truly in love with this boy!

I have changed a lot this month too. Some of the things I have learned about myself are:

• I was quite selfish (still am in some ways). When I lost sleep the first week, I really was upset. I was upset that he wouldn't let me sleep. Over the past few weeks though - I am changing in that regard. Yeah I still want my sleep, but I get up when he needs to eat or needs his diaper changed and I just love him. In fact, I have been impressed how living with 4 hours of sleep really is doable! It's more than doable. I have been doing that for a month! So YAY me! :) Yay us! :)
• I am inventive when it comes to trying to soothe my boy. I have gotten out my ipod and played music and danced with him around the house, and he likes it! I will make crazy, silly faces with him, or how I also massage his back when I know he has gas. And I have noticed lately, just my saying his name "Caleb" in a sing-song way will make it stop crying too! I do what it takes to make him feel better. I am proud that I can make it work (most of the time).
• I am protective. When it comes to my boy, I think of things I would do to protect him from anyone or anything. When we were driving home from Hillsboro this past week, it was storming like crazy. It was intense! I started thinking of all the things I would do if there was a tornado or what I would do to protect him since he was with me. If I feel like Todd is getting too stressed or tired with Caleb, I will take him because I don't want Caleb to feel that frustration. And when I get frustrated, I either put him down or give him to Todd for a break as well because again - I want him to feel peace and calm feelings, not frustration. I am learning if I hear or see something that is odd with his behavior or health, I am very quick to look that information up or call the pediatrician because I want him to be okay. Yeah I know every mom probably does this, but it gives me confidence that those things are in me too! That I really am protective and will do whatever I can for him!
• I am not a stay at home mother. While I am willing to do most anything for my boy, I am also not SAHM material. I need adult time. I need to work. I need to have time outside of raising my boy to be with other people. And there is nothing wrong with that. I take pride in my life outside of this beautiful family. That's not to say that when I go back to work, I won't be upset about leaving him. Because I will have spent 8 weeks with this beautiful little guy, it will be hard to be away from him at first. But, I know we will get through it and ultimately it will be good for my sanity to get back to my work. Plus, I am showing my son that a mother can still enjoy work and that she doesn't have to be at home to take care of her family. My work makes it possible for me to provide for our family as well. I love that I can do that for us! Plus, I have also seen in the Christian community a lot of people say that the woman should be the one at home taking care of the kids. I think there is NOTHING wrong with doing it that way if that is what you want, but it isn't feasible for us.  But, I also think I am showing him that anyone (including women) can do whatever they set their minds to.
• I am proud of him. It's true. I am proud of his "good burps." I am proud of his head lifting and his grabbing onto the bottle. I am proud of his "talking" that he is doing. He really seems to be trying to communicate with us! He's already showing that he will be pretty independent and want to do things for himself. Probably because he comes from a stubborn and independent mom and dad! :) He makes me proud each day that I see him try to talk. Plus, he makes me proud because he is my boy. I think of how just last year, he wasn't here. This time last year, we didn't have a clue that we would be having a little boy! It's amazing and humbling. I am soo proud of my Caleb. I will show a bizillion pictures and brag about all of those things to anyone who will listen. He really is my pride and joy! He really is!
• I love my husband even more. Whether it is watching how Todd is with Caleb and has soo much love for him, how he took on being "super dad" immediately and how he took care of me after the surgery, or how he misses us when he is at work and sends us text messages telling us that, etc. I find my husband even more sexy and amazing because being a father just suits him perfectly. My husband is truly incredible! Plus - I love how even if I am laying with Caleb or he is with Caleb, that we take time to give each other the kisses in the hall way or cuddle up with each other in the morning, or when he holds my hand when we go on a walk with Caleb, or when Todd encourages me and says I am doing a great job as a mom. It's hard to show that romantic side after having a baby and dealing with the first weeks of having a newborn at home, but I appreciate that we are doing it. I appreciate that we both try to show each other that while our lives are changed completely, our love has never changed and we show it!

So wow - 1 month. Caleb, Todd, and I have changed in major ways! This life is different now than it was, but I can see how much more fulfilling it is and will be! I so look forward to more milestones and seeing how we handle other things that come our way. Thank you for the prayers and we continue to covet those prayers as newbie parents!

My beautiful boy! 

Two weeks Old and Mommy's Thoughts

One of my favorite photos of my boy! He's my little ducky!

Caleb is 2 weeks old! The first week of his life seemed to go by way too slowly, but this second week has gone by much faster. Maybe I am getting the hang of some things? Maybe.

I have had many sleepless nights and times to think about this little guy and what I think about motherhood so far. And the benefits far outweigh the frustration (I mean just look at that adorable face). I do sometimes feel sad or emotional about some things though. For instance, I still feel like I missed out on some crticial moments when he was first born because of the C-Section and my being "out of it." I get emotional about it because it bothers me that I see other women who can have their baby naturally and they get applauded for "doing a good job." But if you get the C-Section, there is a stigma with it that says "oh, that's unfortunate." Well yeah - surgery isn't something I wanted. But it was to save both of us! If we had waited, what if my BP only got higher and I continued to get sicker and sicker? What if he really wasn't getting enough oxygen and we waited - maybe he wouldn't be here with us. So yeah - I may not be happy with the fact that we had to have the surgery, but my boy is alive and well! I do wish I could have had him handed to me after delivery immediately and have that special moment like I had dreamt, but I have him. And that's all that matters. I am trying to say this to myself because honestly, I still feel emotional about it. But the one thing I can hold onto is this - I mentioned in my last post that he had been crying sooo much after delivery and it had been a good hour or two til I got to hold him for the first time (breaks my heart). But he was crying so hard, and they laid him on my chest, and he stopped crying. I wish I remembered more of that moment, but that brings me comfort. My baby knew me...he really knew me.

Another thing - we are not doing the breastfeeding thing. I said I would give it the college try when I had him, and I really did try. But, there were many factors that made this decision for us, and some of those things are way too personal to share on here. I don't want to discuss all of it here because it really isn't everyone's business, but all in all, we are happier for it. EVERYONE is happier for it, including Caleb. So we are a formula family, and we are ALL at peace with that decision.

I am a mother, and I'm learning so many things every single day about him. He fascinates me. I love watching him sleep, eat, look around, etc. He is just amazing. What parent doesn't think that about their kids? Not too many. But, still - this is my kid. I have a little boy who is amazing in every way!
Here are some of the fascinating things I have discovered these two weeks:

• He eats like he is starving...even though we feed him at least every 2-4 hours. But when he gets that bottle, he sucks it down like there is no tomorrow!
• He loves to watch whomever is feeding him. He loves to stare at you intently. I feel like he studies us and our movements. It's so fun!
• He loves to look around when he isn't eating. He will look at photos hung up, lights, etc. He really is studying his surroundings.
• He is soo strong already in his head and feet. He has been lifting his head since Day 1! He wants to see whatever is going on. And his feet - wow are they strong. He will kick with all his might man! He still is a kicker outside of the womb!
• Speaking of kicking, he hates having his diaper changed! He kicks and kicks and kicks when we do that. You'd think he would love to have it changed because he isn't sitting in poop or pee anymore, but I don't think he likes the "freedom."
• During the first week of his life, he wanted his feet to be covered/wrapped up and didn't like the freedom. But since then, he is now starting to like it more and kicking his feet out of blankets.
• When he sleeps, you can't really wake him. He sleeps pretty soundly. However, we have noticed something quite funny about his sleeping. We think he is dreaming some instense things because he will be sleeping so quietly, and then all of a sudden, he jerks/flails his hands up and you think he is waking up. But he doesn't. And he will do that flailing of his hands multiple times while he is sleeping. Makes me wonder what he is dreaming. But sometimes it really freaks me out! LOL! We will be sleeping together, and all of a sudden, he flails his arms. It's really quite amusing.
• He has this suspicious eye thing...when he is drifting off to sleep, he will open one of his eyes and close it very sneakily. Like he is trying to be sneaky to see if you are going to let him go or if you are going to do something he doesn't like. He will just have one eye open up and then close it real fast, and then open it, and then close it. It's really funny!
• He smiles A LOT when he sleeps. I know - it's probably gas. But, man do I love to see his "smile." It's the most adorable thing ever.
• He loves the car seat! I wasn't expecting that, but I think it brings him comfort and cozy feelings.
• In the past two weeks, I have been peed on twice...not too bad!
• In the past two weeks, I have been spit up on MULTIPLE times...we're talking projectile spit up. And Todd seems to keep missing those times. He can have Caleb for several hours, and then pass him off to me, and I get the spit up.
• He loves snuggling. I knew this about him in the womb! I remember all those ultrasounds we had to get because he was soo cuddled up in there and wouldn't let us see his heart. And now...he still loves to snuggle. He loves hearing my heartbeat when he sleeps.
• If he is being fussy, sometimes he will be okay with a pacifier, and sometimes all he needs is me to hold him and pat his bottom.
• He clearly has my nose, my eye shape, my chin dimple and cheeks.
• He clearly has Todd's lips, ears, hands, and feet. I also believe the eyes will be blue like his Daddy's.
• His hair was dark brown at birth, but I am noticing that it is getting lighter. I think he will still possibly end up being blonde like his Dad. Maybe.
• He hates baths...just doesn't like the freedom and doesn't like the water on his body. We just use washcloths for right now until his circumcision is healed. But he still doesn't like it. The only thing he likes is when you take a cloth and wash his face and carefully brush his hair/rub his head. I don't mess with those soft spots, but otherwise, he loves his head being rubbed/brushed.
• He is already grasping for our clothes, hair, etc with his hands when he is sleeping, eating, etc.

And those are just a few of the things. I just love learning about him. He makes me smile, cry, laugh, etc. I continue to pray that God will help me learn the things I need to learn to be the best mom I can be for him. But so far, we are making it. It's hard, but when I hold him or when he is holding onto me and breathing deeply as he sleeps, all the frustration seems to dissipate. I so look forward to many more "learning times" with him!

First family photo of us

Our family of three!