Two weeks Old and Mommy's Thoughts

One of my favorite photos of my boy! He's my little ducky!

Caleb is 2 weeks old! The first week of his life seemed to go by way too slowly, but this second week has gone by much faster. Maybe I am getting the hang of some things? Maybe.

I have had many sleepless nights and times to think about this little guy and what I think about motherhood so far. And the benefits far outweigh the frustration (I mean just look at that adorable face). I do sometimes feel sad or emotional about some things though. For instance, I still feel like I missed out on some crticial moments when he was first born because of the C-Section and my being "out of it." I get emotional about it because it bothers me that I see other women who can have their baby naturally and they get applauded for "doing a good job." But if you get the C-Section, there is a stigma with it that says "oh, that's unfortunate." Well yeah - surgery isn't something I wanted. But it was to save both of us! If we had waited, what if my BP only got higher and I continued to get sicker and sicker? What if he really wasn't getting enough oxygen and we waited - maybe he wouldn't be here with us. So yeah - I may not be happy with the fact that we had to have the surgery, but my boy is alive and well! I do wish I could have had him handed to me after delivery immediately and have that special moment like I had dreamt, but I have him. And that's all that matters. I am trying to say this to myself because honestly, I still feel emotional about it. But the one thing I can hold onto is this - I mentioned in my last post that he had been crying sooo much after delivery and it had been a good hour or two til I got to hold him for the first time (breaks my heart). But he was crying so hard, and they laid him on my chest, and he stopped crying. I wish I remembered more of that moment, but that brings me comfort. My baby knew me...he really knew me.

Another thing - we are not doing the breastfeeding thing. I said I would give it the college try when I had him, and I really did try. But, there were many factors that made this decision for us, and some of those things are way too personal to share on here. I don't want to discuss all of it here because it really isn't everyone's business, but all in all, we are happier for it. EVERYONE is happier for it, including Caleb. So we are a formula family, and we are ALL at peace with that decision.

I am a mother, and I'm learning so many things every single day about him. He fascinates me. I love watching him sleep, eat, look around, etc. He is just amazing. What parent doesn't think that about their kids? Not too many. But, still - this is my kid. I have a little boy who is amazing in every way!
Here are some of the fascinating things I have discovered these two weeks:

• He eats like he is starving...even though we feed him at least every 2-4 hours. But when he gets that bottle, he sucks it down like there is no tomorrow!
• He loves to watch whomever is feeding him. He loves to stare at you intently. I feel like he studies us and our movements. It's so fun!
• He loves to look around when he isn't eating. He will look at photos hung up, lights, etc. He really is studying his surroundings.
• He is soo strong already in his head and feet. He has been lifting his head since Day 1! He wants to see whatever is going on. And his feet - wow are they strong. He will kick with all his might man! He still is a kicker outside of the womb!
• Speaking of kicking, he hates having his diaper changed! He kicks and kicks and kicks when we do that. You'd think he would love to have it changed because he isn't sitting in poop or pee anymore, but I don't think he likes the "freedom."
• During the first week of his life, he wanted his feet to be covered/wrapped up and didn't like the freedom. But since then, he is now starting to like it more and kicking his feet out of blankets.
• When he sleeps, you can't really wake him. He sleeps pretty soundly. However, we have noticed something quite funny about his sleeping. We think he is dreaming some instense things because he will be sleeping so quietly, and then all of a sudden, he jerks/flails his hands up and you think he is waking up. But he doesn't. And he will do that flailing of his hands multiple times while he is sleeping. Makes me wonder what he is dreaming. But sometimes it really freaks me out! LOL! We will be sleeping together, and all of a sudden, he flails his arms. It's really quite amusing.
• He has this suspicious eye thing...when he is drifting off to sleep, he will open one of his eyes and close it very sneakily. Like he is trying to be sneaky to see if you are going to let him go or if you are going to do something he doesn't like. He will just have one eye open up and then close it real fast, and then open it, and then close it. It's really funny!
• He smiles A LOT when he sleeps. I know - it's probably gas. But, man do I love to see his "smile." It's the most adorable thing ever.
• He loves the car seat! I wasn't expecting that, but I think it brings him comfort and cozy feelings.
• In the past two weeks, I have been peed on twice...not too bad!
• In the past two weeks, I have been spit up on MULTIPLE times...we're talking projectile spit up. And Todd seems to keep missing those times. He can have Caleb for several hours, and then pass him off to me, and I get the spit up.
• He loves snuggling. I knew this about him in the womb! I remember all those ultrasounds we had to get because he was soo cuddled up in there and wouldn't let us see his heart. And now...he still loves to snuggle. He loves hearing my heartbeat when he sleeps.
• If he is being fussy, sometimes he will be okay with a pacifier, and sometimes all he needs is me to hold him and pat his bottom.
• He clearly has my nose, my eye shape, my chin dimple and cheeks.
• He clearly has Todd's lips, ears, hands, and feet. I also believe the eyes will be blue like his Daddy's.
• His hair was dark brown at birth, but I am noticing that it is getting lighter. I think he will still possibly end up being blonde like his Dad. Maybe.
• He hates baths...just doesn't like the freedom and doesn't like the water on his body. We just use washcloths for right now until his circumcision is healed. But he still doesn't like it. The only thing he likes is when you take a cloth and wash his face and carefully brush his hair/rub his head. I don't mess with those soft spots, but otherwise, he loves his head being rubbed/brushed.
• He is already grasping for our clothes, hair, etc with his hands when he is sleeping, eating, etc.

And those are just a few of the things. I just love learning about him. He makes me smile, cry, laugh, etc. I continue to pray that God will help me learn the things I need to learn to be the best mom I can be for him. But so far, we are making it. It's hard, but when I hold him or when he is holding onto me and breathing deeply as he sleeps, all the frustration seems to dissipate. I so look forward to many more "learning times" with him!

First family photo of us

Our family of three!