7 Years

I sit here and wonder
How did we get here?
Life has beaten us down
Thrown us curves
And given us beautiful blessings

I remember when we first got married
We said we would stand the test of time
We said that we would show others
What a marriage should look like
But what the heck did we know?

We thought we knew it all
After all, we had been best friends for "forever"
And we didn't think others understood
What it meant to love like we did
We would show them


But now, I sit here and think about how wrong we were
We didn't have a clue 7 years ago what marriage involved
We had a rough first year
And then the following years only seemed to get more complex
We didn't have it all together

Yes, we love each other
Yes, we are best friends
Yes, we have Christ as our foundation
But that doesn't make it easy
Nor does it mean we would even make it

Our marriage was getting a reality check
We found out that we didn't have it all together
We depended so much on each other that first year
That we suffocated each other
And we had to learn to be two lives but still one as a couple

And we went through financial vulnerability
Learning all that we had in debt together
And taking those debts on
And looking forward, however long it took,
To the day the debts would be gone

We had some lovely times too
Visiting new places each anniversary
Enjoying special memories with family and friends
And we even enjoyed the day to day life
We learned a lot about each other those first few years

We went through infertility
And we learned firsthand
That having a family wasn't as easy as everyone said
Suffering through the wishing
And hoping that the family we dreamed of would come true

And then when we had that positive pregnancy test
The joy we felt that first day was the best feeling in the world
It wasn't tarnished with any fears, it was hopeful and beautiful
We were imagining the future
All of the precious memories we would have

We learned anguish
When our first baby died in my body
And that we would never hear his little feet running around
Or those first cries, his first laugh
We would only mourn

And mourn we did.
We tried to move forward, but it was so hard
We didn't move on, the pain lingered on
We still miss our Gabriel every day
That longing will always be there


After several months of healing
We came together as a couple
We released our pain and some balloons
We gave our hope and pain to God
In the most beautiful way

We still hoped for a child on this earth
To raise and to love
We had another scare that proved to be false
And we came to a place
Where we had to choose us or the dream

We chose us, and gave up the dream
We chose to love God and each other
The next few months were amazing
Filled with much passion and love
We reconnected as a couple, and there was peace

And then, because we gave it all to God
He rewarded our sacrifice
With a beautiful little boy, Caleb
I remember your steadfast faith
That He would be okay, and he was!


You prayed over him every single night
You talked to him secretly
Of your hopes and prayers for him
And we prayed together, we were a family unit
Held together by our God

We had a very scary birth that night in May
But we ended up with the most perfect, little boy ever
He was safe, and I was safe
We were a family
And it was beautiful

We learned together how to be parents
We were scared, but we were learning
We saw him grow and learn so fast
He was so smart at such a young age
And full of joy and laughter

Sadly, our marriage took some more tumbles
After we dealt with some more financial scares
We weren't communicating very well
And the fears of failing were on us both
We were scared

And on that November morning
You fell on some ice and shattered your elbow
How could we even handle this?
Yet, we still believed God would help us
And we would return to normal

I wish the fall was the only thing we had endured
But we endured multiple infections
And a total of nine surgeries over 9 months
Several thousands of dollars
And sleepless nights

And as if that wasn't enough
Our son went through RSV and was hospitalized
He wasn't getting enough oxygen
And seeing him endure the scary tubes in his nose and wires
It was too much to take

We had many breakdowns
Many arguments
Many scares
Many fears
And it seemed endless

Many nights, I would just hold Caleb
Because I felt so scared
I was trying to be Super wife and Super mom
And I know you were just trying to get better
Hoping and praying this craziness would end

Our marriage seemed to be falling apart
Along with everything else,
We were losing hope
We weren't sure God even cared
We felt more alone than ever before

Yet, even during those times
We found joy
Our Caleb was growing up
He learned to roll over, crawl, and walk
He was learning to talk and express his feelings

We were able to watch milestones together
And during your normal work schedule
We couldn't have done that
He made us laugh in the midst of it all
And in the midst of all of the pain

I truly believe Caleb was our biggest blessing
During all the pain we endured this last year
His life is and was infectious
This little piece of you and piece of me
He was helping us and didn't know it

Our life is so exhausting
We still have debts to pay
You are still going through healing and therapy
We don't have much to our name it seems
And life is way harder than we expected

Yet - we are still standing 7 years later
I wasn't sure some nights if it would
Yes, we committed to it 7 years ago
But, to say it and to actually live it
Well, those are two very different things


I no longer believe we know it all
I no longer believe we will show people
How a marriage should be
In fact, I am learning more from others
And I am learning from our little boy too


I am learning that I don't have to have it all together
I am learning that life can really suck and also be beautiful
There will always be breaks in the clouds
And God gives us relief and strength when we need it
Not when we think we need it

I am learning that we can trust God
Even if sometimes it is the scariest time ever
I am learning that I am more weak than I ever imagined
I am learning that we are weak as a couple as well
But coupled with Christ - I believe we are stronger!

I don't believe you and I had anything to do with us staying together
I believe it was God
I believe He holds our family together
I believe God showed us how much we need Him
And I believe we will only be great because of Him

You know what else?
I believe that I love you more now than I ever did
We went through hell together
And we are still here - celebrating us!
Celebrating God's Divine protection over us!

Our marriage is a miracle
Our love is a miracle
Our two children are precious miracles
Yes - we didn't do it on our own
But that's the point

We weren't supposed to do it on our own
We needed God more than we knew 7 years ago
We are living examples of two imperfect people
Loving each other through hell
And coming out at the end, together still

When we said "For better or worse"
We meant it
When we said "In sickness and in health"
We meant it
We are living those vows

So my Darling Husband
Hold my hand
As we go through another year, and more moments
And may we remember these previous years
And never forget the journey

I love you and always will!
Happy 7 Years!

Love,
Sarah

I believe in these words from our song more than ever before! 

Caleb is 17 months old!!

Our sweetheart is 17 months old! As other months, he continues to surprise us with how much he is learning and seems so much older as every month passes. He is a sweetheart and loves to laugh and play, but is VERY stubborn just like his parents. His favorite activities include throwing balls, going for walks and exploring EVERYTHING, climbing the furniture and Mommy and Daddy, reading, and eating nom-noms! 

Some new words or modifications on words:

• He has said "pa pee" for puppy. But sometimes, he stills says "pa" for short. 
• "Soo" (when it's time to get his shoes on)
• "Is COLD" ~ we taught him that when it is cold, we put on his jacket. So anytime we put on his jacket or when he is outside and it is noticeably colder, he says this. 
• "Ed di pa" - for octopus. He really tried to say it when I pointed to it on a book and when he plays with his toy octopus in the bath tub. 
• "Ea" for eat. 
• "Air Pa" - Airplane. His sitter, Miss Jane, lives next to the airport, and so he sees airplanes all the time and loves to watch them! 
• "wawa" for flower
• "Goa" for Goat. He got to see some real goats this month at a petting farm. 
• "err" for earth. This is when he sees the picture of earth in the story "I love you more"
• "Puh Puh" - pumpkin. We went to pick his first pumpkin this month! 
• "gep" - grape. He discovered grapes this month and decided he likes them! 
• "No" for No. He repeats it after I say it to him sometimes. Haha! 
• He likes to say what animal sounds are when I ask what they say. For instance, he will say "gack gack" when he sees a duck. Or even a goose (because he thinks they look similar). He recently learned "hoo hoo" for an owl, and so when he sees and owl picture, he will say "hoo hoo!" He also likes to imitate the sheep too. 
• "sickol" for circle. And he knows a circle when he sees it too. 
• "bebe" for baby. He sees a baby or he sees a picture of himself, he will say this. 
• "sish" for fish. He loves to watch the fish at the store now. 
• He even attempted the word sweater by saying "setta."

I look forward to hearing what other words he learns this next month. We are working on some "m" words as he doesn't really do the m sound for anything he knows like Mama, moon, monkey, etc. He knows all of those things, but he just won't say any M words. 

We are also going through some numbers and different shapes. It takes time, but you can see he is trying to learn. For instance, when I try to count objects, he will point to each thing as I count and tries to mimic. 

He is stubborn as I have mentioned and we have definitely had some tantrums where he would lie on the floor when he was mad. But we let him lie down and go on with whatever we are doing so he knows that tantrums don't get results. After he gets up, we try to talk to him in a calm manner and say no and explain why (even though he may not understand completely). It's tough sometimes to stay "calm" when he has those tantrums, but I am really working on that. Coming from a family where people are very passionate when they are upset, it can be easy to raise your voice. But I am working on just making my voice sound stern if I am saying no, and not raising my voice. Caleb is learning and so are we. 

We had some fun this past month as well. Caleb went to a couple of farms that had animals to pet. He loves animals and squeals with excitement when he sees them! We picked out his first pumpkin. We got him his first real costume (last year he just wore a pumpkin onesie). And we have been playing and walking in the leaves at the park! This included his first hike in the woods too!

We are looking forward to this next upcoming month as we celebrate our 7 year anniversary, Caleb's 2nd Halloween with a cute costume, family photos, and getting ready for a low-key (no drama) Thanksgiving! Last year's Thanksgiving was rough since Todd doesn't remember much of it because he was on paid medication after having surgery repairing his shattered elbow. The first surgery of many (little did we know). So honestly, this year, we are praying for a nice, low-key, time! 

Anyways - we hope you all have a nice time with your families enjoying the lovely fall weather and I leave this post with a cute photo of the cutest boy I know!

Always There

Before you were born
I could feel you tap on my belly
And we would tap each other
back and forth
Playing a little game with each other
As a way to let each other know
I am here

And that May night you were born
You were held by nurses, doctors,
Your grandparents, and your Daddy
And no one could soothe you enough
until you were placed on my chest to know
I was there

As a young infant, you discovered my hair
you always wrapped your tiny fingers
around several strands of my long hair
Fascinated by the strands
And once you had it
You fell asleep because you knew
I was there

And even now as a young toddler
Your fascination with my hair
Has only continued
You love to play with my hair and twirl it around
And when I help you fall asleep,
Your favorite way is holding my hair because you know
I am there

But even as you grow into a little boy, a teenager, a man
You won't always want to hold my hair or need me around
But I promise you that I will always be
Your biggest fan, your biggest prayer warrior, your biggest support
Because those are the way to show you that even if distance separates us
I will always be there

S. Taber

I write this as I contemplate my beautiful son and how even though he is growing up so fast, he still needs and wants me. I am honored to be his mommy! I don't feel like I deserve him, but God gave this boy to me for a purpose! He is our precious miracle that I am most thankful for each day!