7 Years

I sit here and wonder
How did we get here?
Life has beaten us down
Thrown us curves
And given us beautiful blessings

I remember when we first got married
We said we would stand the test of time
We said that we would show others
What a marriage should look like
But what the heck did we know?

We thought we knew it all
After all, we had been best friends for "forever"
And we didn't think others understood
What it meant to love like we did
We would show them


But now, I sit here and think about how wrong we were
We didn't have a clue 7 years ago what marriage involved
We had a rough first year
And then the following years only seemed to get more complex
We didn't have it all together

Yes, we love each other
Yes, we are best friends
Yes, we have Christ as our foundation
But that doesn't make it easy
Nor does it mean we would even make it

Our marriage was getting a reality check
We found out that we didn't have it all together
We depended so much on each other that first year
That we suffocated each other
And we had to learn to be two lives but still one as a couple

And we went through financial vulnerability
Learning all that we had in debt together
And taking those debts on
And looking forward, however long it took,
To the day the debts would be gone

We had some lovely times too
Visiting new places each anniversary
Enjoying special memories with family and friends
And we even enjoyed the day to day life
We learned a lot about each other those first few years

We went through infertility
And we learned firsthand
That having a family wasn't as easy as everyone said
Suffering through the wishing
And hoping that the family we dreamed of would come true

And then when we had that positive pregnancy test
The joy we felt that first day was the best feeling in the world
It wasn't tarnished with any fears, it was hopeful and beautiful
We were imagining the future
All of the precious memories we would have

We learned anguish
When our first baby died in my body
And that we would never hear his little feet running around
Or those first cries, his first laugh
We would only mourn

And mourn we did.
We tried to move forward, but it was so hard
We didn't move on, the pain lingered on
We still miss our Gabriel every day
That longing will always be there


After several months of healing
We came together as a couple
We released our pain and some balloons
We gave our hope and pain to God
In the most beautiful way

We still hoped for a child on this earth
To raise and to love
We had another scare that proved to be false
And we came to a place
Where we had to choose us or the dream

We chose us, and gave up the dream
We chose to love God and each other
The next few months were amazing
Filled with much passion and love
We reconnected as a couple, and there was peace

And then, because we gave it all to God
He rewarded our sacrifice
With a beautiful little boy, Caleb
I remember your steadfast faith
That He would be okay, and he was!


You prayed over him every single night
You talked to him secretly
Of your hopes and prayers for him
And we prayed together, we were a family unit
Held together by our God

We had a very scary birth that night in May
But we ended up with the most perfect, little boy ever
He was safe, and I was safe
We were a family
And it was beautiful

We learned together how to be parents
We were scared, but we were learning
We saw him grow and learn so fast
He was so smart at such a young age
And full of joy and laughter

Sadly, our marriage took some more tumbles
After we dealt with some more financial scares
We weren't communicating very well
And the fears of failing were on us both
We were scared

And on that November morning
You fell on some ice and shattered your elbow
How could we even handle this?
Yet, we still believed God would help us
And we would return to normal

I wish the fall was the only thing we had endured
But we endured multiple infections
And a total of nine surgeries over 9 months
Several thousands of dollars
And sleepless nights

And as if that wasn't enough
Our son went through RSV and was hospitalized
He wasn't getting enough oxygen
And seeing him endure the scary tubes in his nose and wires
It was too much to take

We had many breakdowns
Many arguments
Many scares
Many fears
And it seemed endless

Many nights, I would just hold Caleb
Because I felt so scared
I was trying to be Super wife and Super mom
And I know you were just trying to get better
Hoping and praying this craziness would end

Our marriage seemed to be falling apart
Along with everything else,
We were losing hope
We weren't sure God even cared
We felt more alone than ever before

Yet, even during those times
We found joy
Our Caleb was growing up
He learned to roll over, crawl, and walk
He was learning to talk and express his feelings

We were able to watch milestones together
And during your normal work schedule
We couldn't have done that
He made us laugh in the midst of it all
And in the midst of all of the pain

I truly believe Caleb was our biggest blessing
During all the pain we endured this last year
His life is and was infectious
This little piece of you and piece of me
He was helping us and didn't know it

Our life is so exhausting
We still have debts to pay
You are still going through healing and therapy
We don't have much to our name it seems
And life is way harder than we expected

Yet - we are still standing 7 years later
I wasn't sure some nights if it would
Yes, we committed to it 7 years ago
But, to say it and to actually live it
Well, those are two very different things


I no longer believe we know it all
I no longer believe we will show people
How a marriage should be
In fact, I am learning more from others
And I am learning from our little boy too


I am learning that I don't have to have it all together
I am learning that life can really suck and also be beautiful
There will always be breaks in the clouds
And God gives us relief and strength when we need it
Not when we think we need it

I am learning that we can trust God
Even if sometimes it is the scariest time ever
I am learning that I am more weak than I ever imagined
I am learning that we are weak as a couple as well
But coupled with Christ - I believe we are stronger!

I don't believe you and I had anything to do with us staying together
I believe it was God
I believe He holds our family together
I believe God showed us how much we need Him
And I believe we will only be great because of Him

You know what else?
I believe that I love you more now than I ever did
We went through hell together
And we are still here - celebrating us!
Celebrating God's Divine protection over us!

Our marriage is a miracle
Our love is a miracle
Our two children are precious miracles
Yes - we didn't do it on our own
But that's the point

We weren't supposed to do it on our own
We needed God more than we knew 7 years ago
We are living examples of two imperfect people
Loving each other through hell
And coming out at the end, together still

When we said "For better or worse"
We meant it
When we said "In sickness and in health"
We meant it
We are living those vows

So my Darling Husband
Hold my hand
As we go through another year, and more moments
And may we remember these previous years
And never forget the journey

I love you and always will!
Happy 7 Years!

Love,
Sarah

I believe in these words from our song more than ever before!