The Blessings of 2015

So this year has been rough, but I would rather focus on the blessings from 2015 and think on those things. I know in previous years, I always wished away the years. I always looked forward to the next year as an escape. But I have also learned that you can find blessings (even small ones) during hard times and hard years! After all, we are told in Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things." 

So, no I am not listing out resolutions. I would rather list out the beautiful blessings that did come with 2015 and hope for some more beautiful memories in 2016! So here I go:

January - 

• We rang in 2015 as a family of three. It wasn't our normal plan and we weren't with our friends (as in previous years), but we were together as a family and still made it special. Caleb didn't sleep much before midnight, as I think he sensed some fun was going on! 
• Caleb also learned to crawl and stand up on his own in January! Quite exciting! 

February -

• Caleb's First Valentines Day, and fortunately, it was spent at home together as a family. Caleb only had to stay in the hospital from RSV for one day and came home the day before Valentines Day! So while it wasn't overly romantic, it was celebrated with the product of our beautiful love! 

March -

• Caleb stood all on his own (without support)! YAY! Plus, we started practice walking with him as he holds our hands! 
• I celebrated 10 years with CH2M! Quite an accomplishment!
• Celebrated my Dad's birthday! 

April -

• Caleb started walking six steps all on his own! And he just got better as the month went on! Go Caleb! 
• It was warm enough to go outside and have Caleb experience his first swing ride! 

May - 

• Mommy and Caleb had more park outings
• Celebrated Mother's Day with the cutest little boy and my sweet husband! 
• Caleb turned 1!! Can't even believe it! He had a wonderful day! 
• My sister Jen and my brother-in-love, Wes surprised us by coming to Caleb's birthday! So we got to see her throughout Memorial Day weekend! 

June - 

• We lost our old sitter because she decided not to watch Caleb anymore. And within a couple of days, we found our new and current sitter, Jane! She is incredible! So even though I was initially upset about the other sitter, we are SOOO much happier with Jane! 
• More beautiful park outings! Caleb is all about nature! Sticks and walks! 
• Caleb started holding our hands going down steps! 
• Celebrated Father's Day! 
• Went to the annual Independence Day picnic with our friends in Columbus area, and Caleb chased after a dog and enjoyed fireworks! 
• Celebrate every day there is no infection in Todd's arm! 

July - 

• Caleb's vocabulary continues to grow....
• We put balloons in the air on July 2nd as a family in memory of Gabriel. We intend on doing this every year to honor the beautiful, yet short life of Gabriel Taber!
• Enjoyed Independence Day with my family
• As a family, we went to a petting zoo where Caleb had a ball seeing chickens, birds, sheep, a donkey, horses, cows, and a kitty! We had a lot of fun! 
• As a family, we went to Newport Aquarium and had a ball! Caleb loved seeing all the fish, and the penguins of course! 
• Celebrate every day there is no infection in Todd's arm! 

August - 

• Todd's last scab came OFF!! YAY! This was huge! No sign of infection! Todd returned to work (for good) as well! 
• Enjoying lots of walks and park time with Caleb! 
• Caleb climbs and talks a ton! He just jabbers and climbs on EVERYTHING! 
• Caleb and Mommy went to Caleb's first pro-life rally! 

September - 

• Celebrated Mom's birthday! 
• Celebrated My birthday! 
• Todd surprised me by sending beautiful birthday flowers to my hotel when I was out in the field for my birthday! 
• My favorite season begins - FALL!  

October - 

• Enjoyed fall leaves together as a family at the park, etc. 
• Went to pick out Caleb's first pumpkin
• Caleb had a ball trick-or-treating with his grandparents! He was the cutest puppy dog! 

November - 

• Celebrated our 7 Year Wedding Anniversary
• Todd and I went out for a long weekend to Indy to celebrate our 7 Year and honestly, we were celebrating the end of infection/arm trials. We celebrated being able to get out as a couple and enjoy time with each other! 
• Celebrated Todd's birthday! 
• Took beautiful family photos! 
• We survived a whole year since Todd's accident, and he still has no sign of infection and his arm is healed! Praise God! 

December - 

• Enjoyed putting up our Christmas tree, and Caleb especially loved it!
• Enjoyed time as a family at Clifton Mill and looking at all of the beautiful Christmas lights! It was a perfect night as a family, and Caleb couldn't get enough. He actually sat through 3 showings of the Trans Siberian Orchestra light show! He was soo excited about the lights! 
• We celebrated an early Christmas with Todd's Mom
• We celebrated Christmas as a family on Christmas morning, and then my parents came over for a nice Christmas day! 
• Caleb continues to learn more and more! 

Year As A Whole - 

• God provided for us financially to get through all of the hospital bills, etc. When you have 7 surgeries/hospital stays for Todd in 2015 alone, and a hospital stay for Caleb, you tend to rack up the hospital bills. Thankfully, our insurance is pretty decent, that instead of tens of thousands of dollars, we just had to spend a few thousand dollars. (JUST - I am kidding with the "just". That's a lot of money folks, but God provided)
• He also helped us as a family. I was still learning as a new Mom and God gave me the strength (emotional and physical) to take care of Caleb and Todd for a good 6-7 months in 2015 alone (not counting 2014). 
• God helped Todd through much of Todd's emotional stress. I don't care what you say, or if you are the strongest, most macho guy there is - 9 surgeries and frustration after frustration with the healing process, you would have emotional stress too! Plus, as a guy, it's hard. I am not a guy, but guys want to take care of their family. Not the other way around. And even though I am not a guy, I do get that. But God helped Todd through that, and I believe Todd knows without ANY doubt that I am always there for him. In sickness and in health! Always. 
• Todd and I are healing in our own relationship struggles. We had some tough times earlier this year in our marriage, but God has been working on us. So I am thankful that we are doing even better. 
• When very few people in the Christian community were there for us (seems blunt I guess, but it's true), God still was. And He provided when others didn't. But I did experience more compassion from people who don't claim to have much of a Christian faith, and that was even more eye opening. That doesn't change my opinion on who Jesus is at all. It just means that the Church needs to actually practice what Jesus taught (Not even saying all of the Church is like this, because I know there are really good, practice-what-you-preach, Christians out there). Plus, I fear this discounts the few, but amazing people who were there for us! Because I truly am grateful for them.  ~ But I digress. I just know that I learned who I want to be, and I am thankful that I have been able to help others out this year, if nothing else but to be a listening ear and to show them love and compassion. Honestly - that's all people want when they are going through a hard time. They don't need to be preached at. 
• My prayer life has been pretty strong. I don't spend hours on my knees, but I do spend time there on my knees (more than ever before). I pray in the car, I pray when I am on a walk, when I am up with my son in the hospital because he is struggling to breathe, when my husband can't sleep because of pain, after an argument with whomever, morning, noon, and night. I pray! And it's not all rosy prayers either. Let me be honest - this year, I prayed a lot of prayers where I cussed! Most people know I don't cuss as a general rule. I don't think it is very Christ-like and I don't want to be a person that uses inappropriate language. BUT - I did. I was even more real than ever before with God. But I learned back in 2012 when we were going through our loss of Gabriel, that God could handle it. So I wasn't afraid of ruining my relationship with God. I knew He already knew my hurt feelings. I was letting it out. And I knew He would love me anyway. God just wants us to be real. Just like any relationship you have, you need to be real! 
• And on the subject of prayer - our son is starting to learn how to pray as well. I want Caleb to learn as early as possible that praying is just talking to Jesus (your best friend in the whole world), and that He will always be there. Always. It's not fictitious. It's not a fairy tale. I know because I have been in the middle of praying (talking with Jesus), and then someone will text me and God had told them to reach out to me and they knew things I didn't tell them. So you can't convince me that prayer isn't important or that it's useless. I hope to teach Caleb as early as possible that he always, always, always has God! 

I pray that 2016 is better than we could have imagined, and I am hopeful for some new and special memories. I am hoping that Caleb will get to experience the ocean and visit his Aunt Jen and Uncle Wes in April/May. I am hopeful that Todd and I will get to have a nice anniversary vacation that even requires an airplane trip (last time we did that together was in 2010)! I am hoping for so many other things as well. But even if those things don't happen, we are a family! And that's one of the biggest blessings of all time! I love my family more than words could ever say!  

May you all have a wonderful 2016! I pray it is full of blessings (little and big ones)! 

Caleb is 19 months old!!

Wow...can he really be 19 months?! Another photo comparison above - one year apart at Christmastime! He could fit so perfectly in one arm. But a year later, he is just so big (or as Caleb says "soooooooooo biiig") :)

His vocabulary is just growing soooooooo much just this past month! So as with other posts, here are some new words or modifications on words that he is saying now:

• culcul - circle
• keckle - freckle (whe he points to all of Mommy's freckles)
• Bi - for Bike
• Sta - for star
• He knows more animal sounds and makes a rooster sound, a dog sound, cow sound (sometimes), duck sounds, bear or lion sound (grrrr), chicken sound, horse sound, bird sound, and sheep sound. 
• He really tries to sing the ABC song. I can tell because he will say S T oooh (for U), C, D...he loves to sing it. He is doing better and better with the alphabet
• beekee (for binky "pacifier"). He has been using that more for his teething. But we are trying to not give it to him too often because we don't want him addicted to it. 
• Hot - for hot. Whenever he hears the microwave or when he sees us taking something out of the oven, or even when he sees Mommy's curling iron, he says "hot." And he has learned to not touch. 
• I woo for "I love you." :) This one melts the heart for sure! 
• Tee - eee for TV
• Veee - oh - for Video
• Wai for light
• Apple saw - for apple sauce
• Yes for yes. 
• He has started saying no too. ;) 
• And while this isn't an improvement per se on truck, he says "guck" but then he growls! Who taught him that?! Ha! He sounds like Tim the Tool Man Taylor from Home Improvement! :) 

And I am probably forgetting a couple more words...hard to keep up on all the words. But more and more we understand what he wants. 

He has become quite the little helper in the past 2 months. I meant to mention that last month, but he will close doors (whether it is the refrigerator or our front door, etc) if we ask him to close a door. If we say it is time to clean up the toys, he helps put his blocks away and put all the puzzle pieces back in the puzzle. He loves to help push a stroller or cart in the grocery store, and he loves to help put away his Jumparoo (after he is done playing in it). When we ask him to give us something, he is usually pretty good about getting it and bringing it to us. 

We are teaching him that throwing things when he is mad is not right. If he throws something because he is mad, we will sit with him and ask him to pick it up (no matter how long it takes). He is stubborn and won't do it immediately, but eventually he learns and picks it up. We are trying to instill in him that you don't throw things to get what you want. He is gradually learning. 

He has been sleeping pretty well, with the exception of some nights of bad teething. He has only 4 more teeth to get! We have all the canines now. So we are just waiting on the 2 year molars (which he is already going through pain on as his fingers are more frequently in the back of his mouth). 

The past month has been pretty nice! We enjoyed Thanksgiving with my parents. We saw Christmas lights at Clifton Mill. And we visited Grandma G (Todd's Mom)! 

Christmas lights at Clifton Mill

Christmas lights at Clifton Mill

Visiting with Grandma G

Grandma G gave Caleb his first candycane

This was a favorite gift that Grandma G got him. Elmo puppet book! 

We have also been getting over sick. Okay - mostly me. I had a very nasty sinus infection that Caleb seemed to avoid getting. I am hoping and praying that for at least the next couple of weeks, we can all be healthy and no one gets sick! 

Oh and in pretty big news - Todd is no longer on any antibiotics! YAY! So in the next month, we will monitor him to ensure no signs of infection. If no signs of infection show up in a month, we should be good! :) Which will then mean that Todd can resume helping me with diapers and even watching him on Thursdays! So please keep in prayer about that for us! 

We look forward to the next couple of weeks as a family and also with family and friends for Christmas and New Years! I pray you all have a wonderful and blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year! Remember the reason we celebrate - Jesus! He is the hope for us all! Much love! 

And I leave you with a picture of our 19 month old! He's just so cute! 

Many Celebrations (Our 7th Anniversary and Caleb Turning 18 months)

On the left, Caleb was 6 months, and now he is 18 months! Wow!

When I take a look at the photos above, and see how much he has changed, I am in disbelief. My baby really has turned into a little boy! He is such a joy to us and we really can't believe how fast he is growing up and learning so many new things! The selfish momma in me wants him to stay little, but I am also quite proud of him. He impresses me on a weekly basis! And even though he is a strong-willed child and can sometimes try my patience, I heard several people say that God made him strong-willed for a reason. That his strong will is only going to help him grow into an independent, secure, confident young man, and that he won't give into peer pressure as much either. Right now, he is exhibiting his will because he is trying to be more independent and I applaud that in him. And that will be an advantage to him someday as he figures out what God wants him to do as well. I believe his strong will and his name go hand in hand. His first name means faithful to God, and you need strong will to be a faithful servant of Christ, especially in this world! So if I am raising a very strong-willed boy, then so be it! 

So as with other posts, here are some new words or modifications on words that he is saying now:

• He has said "pa pee" for puppy. But now he is going more towards saying "da" for dog! 
• "Shoo" (it used to be sooo, but now he is adding in the "sh")
• "Ha" for hat now that it is colder out. 
• He will make a grrr sound when he sees a bear or a lion now
• "sah" is for sock now when we put on socks. And he gets excited about socks because he knows it means we are going outside. 
• He actually says "Soooo Cold" when I say it's time to get his jacket on! haha! 
• He will say "Bock Bock" when he sees a chicken or when we given him chicken
• "Balloo" for balloon
• Kookee for cookie! He loves cookies (even if he doesn't know the ones we give him are good for him)
• "me sen" for medicine. I hate that he knows this word, but with teething or when he has gotten sick, he hears me say it and will repeat it. 
• "Hai" for hair. He loves to twirl my hair. It is definitely a comfort for him!
• "BaiBai" for bacon. This boy LOVES bacon! 
• "Tatoes" for potatoes! I heard him say it once as we don't feed him a lot of potatoes, but he has said it. 
• He will make chirpy noises when he sees birds. He can say "Bir" for bird too. But he mostly like to make the noises they make. 
• He growls now when he sees a lion or a bear! hehe! 
• "Cuck" for truck
• "tuttle" - is for turtle
• "za" for pizza! LOL! 
• In his alphabet book, he sees the letter O now and says "O!" :) Very exciting!

We have also been doing more and more prayers at night with him. I say it's time to say our prayers, and he has learned how to put his hands in a praying form. He usually is quiet while I say our prayers and knows when I say "Amen," that we are done. I also try to say a prayer in the morning when we are driving him to Miss Jane's. Just want him to learn he can always talk to Jesus and start developing that relationship. We sing a lot of songs about Jesus, so he knows His name for sure. And his favorite song still happens to be Jesus Loves Me! :) 

This past month, Caleb was able to go trick or treating with his grandparents! They had a ball!! Todd and I were away for a long weekend for our anniversary, but Caleb had lots of fun being a dalmatian!

 Seriously - the cutest boy ever! 

Trick-or-treating with G-Pa!

Such a sweetheart!

Todd and I went to Indianapolis and stayed downtown! It was lovely, and we did A LOT of walking. We also went to Turkey Run State Park and did a lot of rock climbing and hiking! We saw a lot of different sites and enjoyed time with each other that we haven't had in quite some time! It was definitely a special time! 

Downtown Indianapolis

Turkey Run State Park with Todd

The two lovebirds on our hike! 

Celebrating 7 Years at Ruth's Chris

We also celebrated Todd's 36th birthday and I did the best I have ever done on a cake decorating! I keep getting better! :) 

I look forward to Thanksgiving as we have much to be thankful for! With the past year being so hard, I look forward to a very low key, no drama time! I pray it stays that way too! :) But in all seriousness, we have much to be thankful for! I know I am grateful for my husband, and I am grateful for his recovery! He has made a lot of great strides over the past few months since his last surgery.I am grateful for the world's cutest and sweetest boy because he helped us both through this past year of heartache. His joy was so infectious that it helped us! I am grateful for my loving and supportive family (my parents and sister and brother-in-love)! I am grateful for the prayer warriors who stood with us during this past year. I am grateful for my closest friends! I am grateful for a job that has been more than understanding this past year! I am grateful that even though this past year was rough on us, I am still getting some great opportunities in my company.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your loved ones, and that you enjoy this upcoming Christmas season remembering the reason we celebrate! May God Bless you all! 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

A Year Later....Great Is God's Faithfulness

So this time last year, as most of you know, Todd has a very bad accident on some ice where he shattered his elbow! And every single Dr. told him that he managed to break it in the worst way possible! So comforting, right?! Well, just two days after his accident, he had to have surgery to put in metal that would help with the healing process. We thought this was the worst of it all. Unfortunately, we had no clue what the next year would entail.

Laid up on the couch on Thanksgiving Day 2014 with his little boy! 

During the week of New Years, we found out that Todd had an infection, and so he would have to have another surgery to remove it. We did not know at the time it was MRSA! For those who know little to nothing about MRSA, this is bad stuff! We went through a total of 9 surgeries in 9 months time to get rid of the infection and also remove the metal once the elbow bone had healed! MRSA is so bad that it can even lead to amputation or death! We're not talking a simple "infection"! Thankfully - it never came to that point. But Todd scared himself to death with the research when he found the worst case scenarios. And let's face it, we ended up with some bad scenarios. To finally rid of the stuff, we had to have a pick line placed inside his body (close to heart) where he would have to inject the antibiotics himself twice a day! We also had a home health care nurse that would come once a week to take blood and change bandages, etc. During this time and every time he had a surgery for a few weeks, I would have to help him with a sponge bath. I also changed out a lot of bandages. I am quite a pro at wrapping up bandages now. I also know infections and whether it is a sign of a problem or not a problem. I think we both got a psuedo-medical degree in this process - haha!

Saying it as a summary in a single paragraph (as shown above) really doesn't grasp the whole ordeal. You see, Caleb was just 6 months old when he had the accident, and I became a "single parent" for a good portion of the next 6 months of his life. Todd was on pain killers and trying to get better for a good portion of the next 6-9 months as well. And I'm not sure how many of you have had to take pain killers, but he wasn't always "with it" because of the drugs. It was necessary to help him with the excruciating pain he was going through. And many times he would wean himself off the drugs sooner than when the prescription would run out as he was afraid of ever becoming addicted to the stuff.

And an accident like this doesn't just affect the one who is in the pain. I'm not saying that it was harder on me (I couldn't possibly say that, as I didn't have the broken elbow nor all the infected areas)...but it was hard. Because on top of taking care of our baby, I had my husband to help get dressed, washed, bandaged, etc. I also had to arrange my work schedule to make it possible to take Todd to appointments and surgeries, and then also make sure my son had care, whether by our sitter or by my parents. And seeing your husband go through this for months, it was just hard. It was hard not being able to "fix" it. Or when your son wants his Daddy, but he can't be in his arms, it was so tough! Todd was upset because he wanted to be there, and he couldn't, and Caleb didn't understand what was going on. I think that is why to this day, if Todd is around, Caleb is attached to him. Those two are two peas in a pod, and Caleb wants all the time he can get with his Daddy.

Every month that we thought we were on the mend and it would end, then the sign of infection would show up. And we heard from many well-meaning people during this time that we should have switched doctors because it was their fault or whatever. I understand the thoughts, but some people are more prone to getting infections than others, and we had done our own research as well. He was one of the small percentage of people that get MRSA. But the more you have your arm open, the more chances of risk you get too.

Thankfully after the IV of antibiotics, Todd was able to take pill form antibiotics (the highly potent form was $12,000 for a month supply) and no more needles! He used to hate needles and was afraid of them, but after going through this ordeal, Todd is a pro now. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not.

Fast forward to today - he is taking antibiotics until the end of the year. This isn't as high of potency, but Lord willing at the end of this year, we will be done with antibiotics for Todd. His arm is healed, and he will likely only ever have 75% of muscle control in that arm (as in surgery #7, they had to remove some muscle that got infected).He is making great strides in working his arm through natural use therapy, but it has been tough. Todd has moments where he is sad that it will never be 100%, but it isn't worth another surgery to try to fix it as the risk of another infection is way too high.

So that's just the physical part of this ordeal. On top of that there was the emotionally, spiritually, and mentally draining aspects.

As a man, you don't want to be sitting on a couch having your wife take care of everything. He wanted to help even though he couldn't. I was only so patient for this past year, and I definitely had moments of complete exhaustion where I just felt like I couldn't do it anymore. I cried more times than I could ever count. So did Todd. Our life revolved around keeping Caleb healthy and unscathed by all of this, and helping Todd with his recovery. Our marriage took a bit hit during this past year. Our family life was quite hard.

And spiritually - it was hard. I'll be very honest, the "church" wasn't there for us as I expected. I don't want to dredge up all those feelings again as I feel I've moved on, but we just didn't have the spiritual support that we expected. I think this experience really just emphasized to me how I want to act when others go through tough times. I refuse to be selfish, and I hope I can be an encouragement to others when they are going through a tough time. I will aim to be Jesus to those people who need help because they need support and encouragement.

And even though it was so hard, we still saw God's faithfulness. Some of these things we didn't really see for several months. But we did see many instances where God didn't abandon us:

• The many prayers we received from people who couldn't possibly be here for us. We literally had prayers from people all over the globe! 
• A year later, we still have to deal with the last of antibiotics, but his arm appears to be free from infection and is healed. 
• Todd can lift his arm up to the highest shelf at home and even in the grocery store. Thank you, God! 
• Todd can carry groceries and carry Caleb! Thank you, God! 
• Todd is back to helping out at the house and has been working for quite some time now. 
• Caleb's bond with his Daddy has only enhanced. 
• Spiritually speaking, I also believe we were weakened in our own strength so that we learned how to depend on God solely. 
• God gave us the special gift of Caleb a few months prior to his accident. Some would say that having a baby with such a horrible experience would be impossible. But, our Caleb kept our family tight and together. His laughter, his joy, his life, his learning - all were things that kept our family going. I have always been a worrier, and at the hardest emotional times this past year, Caleb's smile and laugh soothed that pain. He was an integral part of our healing and coping through this rough experience. Caleb is truly the biggest blessing of our lives. I know without a doubt, that if Caleb hadn't been around, I believe Todd and I may not have lasted. I am so grateful for our son for so many reasons. He is our shining star for sure! 
• Caleb is still growing and learning and doing so well! He is excelling in his motor, verbal, and social skills and has been unscathed by this past year! Thank you Jesus! 
• Financially speaking - God provided. We had to pay many medical bills at the end of last year (on top of the bills from having Caleb earlier in the year), and we had many more medical bills this year! I am thankful for good insurance through my company as it could have been worse! 
• We survived on less than 75% of Todd's income for a good portion of this past year despite all of the medical bills too! 
• Even when our old sitter decided to stop watching Caleb, God provided us with Miss Jane who is an amazing woman that Caleb loves. She is a Godly woman that prays for our family and is such an encouragement to me. 
• Though he had to have surgery a week after Caleb's first birthday, we were together as a family and with friends and had a wonderful time! 
• We gained an appreciation for what it means to be compassionate.In my prayer life and also in response to others needs, I learned even more what kind of person I want to be for others. I pray on my knees more than I ever did before. I believe I am a better listener than I used to be as well. 
• It's true when God says He will give you what you need when you need it. I never thought I would be able to handle it all. But God gave me strength I didn't have. I didn't have it and yet He supplied it! Thank you Jesus! It was an impossible strength that He made possible! 
• My husband and I have been able to get away and reconnect like we needed so badly! We had a wonderful anniversary and appreciate each other more than I think we ever did before! There is no doubt about love for each other. I mean, you can't show much more love than when you have to clean your spouse or help him get dressed because he can't do it himself. He doesn't doubt my commitment to us and neither do I doubt his. I love him more this year than I ever did 7 years ago on our wedding day! And I believe our vows have much more significance this year than ever before! 
• Family time is more precious. You just never know what can happen or when, and there is a deep appreciation for every moment we have with each other!

I know there is likely more, but I think this is a pretty good list explaining God's faithfulness in the midst of this storm. I wish I could say I don't worry anymore about stuff, but I do still. I am a work in progress. But I don't doubt God's grace, mercy or love. Life can sometimes suck big time, but God is always there holding us up. And I believe whole-heartedly that in our brokenness, we continue to learn dependence on God and not ourselves.

So this year as I think of what I am thankful for, I just wanted to say thank you to the few that were there for us physically and for those that prayed for us!  I believe we couldn't have survived this past year without those prayers! To my family - my son Caleb, my parents, my sister and brother-in-love, and the Creamer family, you are the best family a person could ever ask for!

And to my Lord and Savior - thank you for holding us through the bad times. Thank you for helping us get through the storm. Thank you for loving us even when we were mad and blamed You.

So hold your loved tight this holiday season. Appreciate the time you have. Never take those moments for granted. And take time to really think about what you are thankful for. And I guarantee most of that list will be the people God has placed in your life. Take time to tell them how much you love them and appreciate them. We are not guaranteed the next hour...so make it count!

God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving Week!

Most thankful for my beautiful, little family! 

7 Years

I sit here and wonder
How did we get here?
Life has beaten us down
Thrown us curves
And given us beautiful blessings

I remember when we first got married
We said we would stand the test of time
We said that we would show others
What a marriage should look like
But what the heck did we know?

We thought we knew it all
After all, we had been best friends for "forever"
And we didn't think others understood
What it meant to love like we did
We would show them


But now, I sit here and think about how wrong we were
We didn't have a clue 7 years ago what marriage involved
We had a rough first year
And then the following years only seemed to get more complex
We didn't have it all together

Yes, we love each other
Yes, we are best friends
Yes, we have Christ as our foundation
But that doesn't make it easy
Nor does it mean we would even make it

Our marriage was getting a reality check
We found out that we didn't have it all together
We depended so much on each other that first year
That we suffocated each other
And we had to learn to be two lives but still one as a couple

And we went through financial vulnerability
Learning all that we had in debt together
And taking those debts on
And looking forward, however long it took,
To the day the debts would be gone

We had some lovely times too
Visiting new places each anniversary
Enjoying special memories with family and friends
And we even enjoyed the day to day life
We learned a lot about each other those first few years

We went through infertility
And we learned firsthand
That having a family wasn't as easy as everyone said
Suffering through the wishing
And hoping that the family we dreamed of would come true

And then when we had that positive pregnancy test
The joy we felt that first day was the best feeling in the world
It wasn't tarnished with any fears, it was hopeful and beautiful
We were imagining the future
All of the precious memories we would have

We learned anguish
When our first baby died in my body
And that we would never hear his little feet running around
Or those first cries, his first laugh
We would only mourn

And mourn we did.
We tried to move forward, but it was so hard
We didn't move on, the pain lingered on
We still miss our Gabriel every day
That longing will always be there


After several months of healing
We came together as a couple
We released our pain and some balloons
We gave our hope and pain to God
In the most beautiful way

We still hoped for a child on this earth
To raise and to love
We had another scare that proved to be false
And we came to a place
Where we had to choose us or the dream

We chose us, and gave up the dream
We chose to love God and each other
The next few months were amazing
Filled with much passion and love
We reconnected as a couple, and there was peace

And then, because we gave it all to God
He rewarded our sacrifice
With a beautiful little boy, Caleb
I remember your steadfast faith
That He would be okay, and he was!


You prayed over him every single night
You talked to him secretly
Of your hopes and prayers for him
And we prayed together, we were a family unit
Held together by our God

We had a very scary birth that night in May
But we ended up with the most perfect, little boy ever
He was safe, and I was safe
We were a family
And it was beautiful

We learned together how to be parents
We were scared, but we were learning
We saw him grow and learn so fast
He was so smart at such a young age
And full of joy and laughter

Sadly, our marriage took some more tumbles
After we dealt with some more financial scares
We weren't communicating very well
And the fears of failing were on us both
We were scared

And on that November morning
You fell on some ice and shattered your elbow
How could we even handle this?
Yet, we still believed God would help us
And we would return to normal

I wish the fall was the only thing we had endured
But we endured multiple infections
And a total of nine surgeries over 9 months
Several thousands of dollars
And sleepless nights

And as if that wasn't enough
Our son went through RSV and was hospitalized
He wasn't getting enough oxygen
And seeing him endure the scary tubes in his nose and wires
It was too much to take

We had many breakdowns
Many arguments
Many scares
Many fears
And it seemed endless

Many nights, I would just hold Caleb
Because I felt so scared
I was trying to be Super wife and Super mom
And I know you were just trying to get better
Hoping and praying this craziness would end

Our marriage seemed to be falling apart
Along with everything else,
We were losing hope
We weren't sure God even cared
We felt more alone than ever before

Yet, even during those times
We found joy
Our Caleb was growing up
He learned to roll over, crawl, and walk
He was learning to talk and express his feelings

We were able to watch milestones together
And during your normal work schedule
We couldn't have done that
He made us laugh in the midst of it all
And in the midst of all of the pain

I truly believe Caleb was our biggest blessing
During all the pain we endured this last year
His life is and was infectious
This little piece of you and piece of me
He was helping us and didn't know it

Our life is so exhausting
We still have debts to pay
You are still going through healing and therapy
We don't have much to our name it seems
And life is way harder than we expected

Yet - we are still standing 7 years later
I wasn't sure some nights if it would
Yes, we committed to it 7 years ago
But, to say it and to actually live it
Well, those are two very different things


I no longer believe we know it all
I no longer believe we will show people
How a marriage should be
In fact, I am learning more from others
And I am learning from our little boy too


I am learning that I don't have to have it all together
I am learning that life can really suck and also be beautiful
There will always be breaks in the clouds
And God gives us relief and strength when we need it
Not when we think we need it

I am learning that we can trust God
Even if sometimes it is the scariest time ever
I am learning that I am more weak than I ever imagined
I am learning that we are weak as a couple as well
But coupled with Christ - I believe we are stronger!

I don't believe you and I had anything to do with us staying together
I believe it was God
I believe He holds our family together
I believe God showed us how much we need Him
And I believe we will only be great because of Him

You know what else?
I believe that I love you more now than I ever did
We went through hell together
And we are still here - celebrating us!
Celebrating God's Divine protection over us!

Our marriage is a miracle
Our love is a miracle
Our two children are precious miracles
Yes - we didn't do it on our own
But that's the point

We weren't supposed to do it on our own
We needed God more than we knew 7 years ago
We are living examples of two imperfect people
Loving each other through hell
And coming out at the end, together still

When we said "For better or worse"
We meant it
When we said "In sickness and in health"
We meant it
We are living those vows

So my Darling Husband
Hold my hand
As we go through another year, and more moments
And may we remember these previous years
And never forget the journey

I love you and always will!
Happy 7 Years!

Love,
Sarah

I believe in these words from our song more than ever before! 

Caleb is 17 months old!!

Our sweetheart is 17 months old! As other months, he continues to surprise us with how much he is learning and seems so much older as every month passes. He is a sweetheart and loves to laugh and play, but is VERY stubborn just like his parents. His favorite activities include throwing balls, going for walks and exploring EVERYTHING, climbing the furniture and Mommy and Daddy, reading, and eating nom-noms! 

Some new words or modifications on words:

• He has said "pa pee" for puppy. But sometimes, he stills says "pa" for short. 
• "Soo" (when it's time to get his shoes on)
• "Is COLD" ~ we taught him that when it is cold, we put on his jacket. So anytime we put on his jacket or when he is outside and it is noticeably colder, he says this. 
• "Ed di pa" - for octopus. He really tried to say it when I pointed to it on a book and when he plays with his toy octopus in the bath tub. 
• "Ea" for eat. 
• "Air Pa" - Airplane. His sitter, Miss Jane, lives next to the airport, and so he sees airplanes all the time and loves to watch them! 
• "wawa" for flower
• "Goa" for Goat. He got to see some real goats this month at a petting farm. 
• "err" for earth. This is when he sees the picture of earth in the story "I love you more"
• "Puh Puh" - pumpkin. We went to pick his first pumpkin this month! 
• "gep" - grape. He discovered grapes this month and decided he likes them! 
• "No" for No. He repeats it after I say it to him sometimes. Haha! 
• He likes to say what animal sounds are when I ask what they say. For instance, he will say "gack gack" when he sees a duck. Or even a goose (because he thinks they look similar). He recently learned "hoo hoo" for an owl, and so when he sees and owl picture, he will say "hoo hoo!" He also likes to imitate the sheep too. 
• "sickol" for circle. And he knows a circle when he sees it too. 
• "bebe" for baby. He sees a baby or he sees a picture of himself, he will say this. 
• "sish" for fish. He loves to watch the fish at the store now. 
• He even attempted the word sweater by saying "setta."

I look forward to hearing what other words he learns this next month. We are working on some "m" words as he doesn't really do the m sound for anything he knows like Mama, moon, monkey, etc. He knows all of those things, but he just won't say any M words. 

We are also going through some numbers and different shapes. It takes time, but you can see he is trying to learn. For instance, when I try to count objects, he will point to each thing as I count and tries to mimic. 

He is stubborn as I have mentioned and we have definitely had some tantrums where he would lie on the floor when he was mad. But we let him lie down and go on with whatever we are doing so he knows that tantrums don't get results. After he gets up, we try to talk to him in a calm manner and say no and explain why (even though he may not understand completely). It's tough sometimes to stay "calm" when he has those tantrums, but I am really working on that. Coming from a family where people are very passionate when they are upset, it can be easy to raise your voice. But I am working on just making my voice sound stern if I am saying no, and not raising my voice. Caleb is learning and so are we. 

We had some fun this past month as well. Caleb went to a couple of farms that had animals to pet. He loves animals and squeals with excitement when he sees them! We picked out his first pumpkin. We got him his first real costume (last year he just wore a pumpkin onesie). And we have been playing and walking in the leaves at the park! This included his first hike in the woods too!

We are looking forward to this next upcoming month as we celebrate our 7 year anniversary, Caleb's 2nd Halloween with a cute costume, family photos, and getting ready for a low-key (no drama) Thanksgiving! Last year's Thanksgiving was rough since Todd doesn't remember much of it because he was on paid medication after having surgery repairing his shattered elbow. The first surgery of many (little did we know). So honestly, this year, we are praying for a nice, low-key, time! 

Anyways - we hope you all have a nice time with your families enjoying the lovely fall weather and I leave this post with a cute photo of the cutest boy I know!

Always There

Before you were born
I could feel you tap on my belly
And we would tap each other
back and forth
Playing a little game with each other
As a way to let each other know
I am here

And that May night you were born
You were held by nurses, doctors,
Your grandparents, and your Daddy
And no one could soothe you enough
until you were placed on my chest to know
I was there

As a young infant, you discovered my hair
you always wrapped your tiny fingers
around several strands of my long hair
Fascinated by the strands
And once you had it
You fell asleep because you knew
I was there

And even now as a young toddler
Your fascination with my hair
Has only continued
You love to play with my hair and twirl it around
And when I help you fall asleep,
Your favorite way is holding my hair because you know
I am there

But even as you grow into a little boy, a teenager, a man
You won't always want to hold my hair or need me around
But I promise you that I will always be
Your biggest fan, your biggest prayer warrior, your biggest support
Because those are the way to show you that even if distance separates us
I will always be there

S. Taber

I write this as I contemplate my beautiful son and how even though he is growing up so fast, he still needs and wants me. I am honored to be his mommy! I don't feel like I deserve him, but God gave this boy to me for a purpose! He is our precious miracle that I am most thankful for each day! 

16 months old!!

This sweetheart is 16 months old! It's amazing to watch this kid grow into a little boy and discover his personality! He does so many funny things on a daily basis, and usually I am taken off guard by those things. He will say or do something, and we just burst out laughing because it's so funny. I don't know how I am supposed to keep a straight face when he is in trouble. He is growing very well too. I don't know how tall he is yet (will find out this week); however, I know he is officially 25 pounds on our scale at home!

He has also become quite the Daddy's boy! If Daddy is around, then I practically don't exist (unless he doesn't feel good, he needs food, or is sleepy). If Daddy is around and then leaves the room - the world has literally ended according to Caleb! No - Daddy must be attached to Caleb! Also - most recent, I was at a field event for work and Caleb stayed with his grandparents. So Todd was without Caleb and me for two days! So we go and pick up Caleb (both of us) after not seeing him for a couple of days, and he was soo excited! I was in front and running to give him a hug, and that boy ran past me and went to Todd! Wow - snubbed much?! Yeah he loves his Daddy. He loves me too, but lately, those two are two peas in a pod! And later on, Caleb played with me and hugged me, so I know he really does love me. It's just amazing how at times he prefers one parent over the other.

Daddy's boy!

Loves his Daddy!

He does this really silly laugh that I don't think I can describe. It's deep and it almost sounds like "Bo Bo!" But it's a deep laugh! He is really experimenting with this voice! He also experiments with his head. He shakes his head no when I shake my head no and say No.

Some new words or modifications on words:

• "Paaah" for puppy (this is a modification for when we see a puppy outside, on tv, in a book, etc). Also there is major squealing when he sees a puppy! He also uses this for penguin when he sees the many penguins around the house that I have and in his room. 
• Step! (he says this when we go down and up steps)
• Car - he says this very well (and attempted it last month with "ca")
• "Bea" for bear! He does this very well!
• "Gock" is block
• "Buh" for bunny
• Apple - in the past week, he has been saying this very well! He knows apples! 
• "Guck" for truck as well as duck
• Ball - he says this very well! 
• "Bir" for bird
• "See" for swing
• Sit - he knows this very well when I ask for him to sit down to get his shoes on
• Bubble - he loves this word! He says this very well! 
• Just once did he say "Mmmmm" when pointing to the moon. 

And while he isn't saying these words yet, he knows the following words when talking with him or when I ask where it is and he points to it:

• Tree - (I ask him where the trees are and he knows and points to them)
• Shoes (just have to say, do you want your shoes on, and he goes where his shoes are and will sit down for you to put them on)
• Video (you have to be careful of this because he LOVES to watch Hoopla Kidz on YouTube for kids songs, and he loves "videos!"
• Bath (he just doesn't say it - but he knows what a bath is, especially when I say we are going to have bubbles in his bath)
• He knows kisses because I will ask him to give Mommy kisses, and he leans in for kisses! 
• He knows when I ask "Do you want to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider" what that is. He gets his hands ready and we do the song together! 
• He also knows PattyCake and takes my hands and we do it together. And EVERY time after we finish Pattycake, he will give me the biggest smile and hug! 
• He knows when I ask if he wants to sing a song, what that means. Because he expects us to sing! And if you don't intend on singing for a long period of time, don't say the word. Because he loves it when you sing songs! 
• We have been praying to Jesus on the way to Miss Jane's in the morning and at night before bed. I take his hands at night and we pray, and he knows what that means. Because I will ask him if he wants to pray for Jesus, and he gets his hands ready! 

There is more I am sure. I swear the list just keeps going. He is just learning soo much, and I love it! 

He really is quite the blessing!

YAY! 

Such an infectious smile!

And this month, we celebrated my 35th birthday. Although, I was out in the field on my birthday, my sweet husband sent me flowers to my hotel room! Such a sweet surprise! And then when I cam home early Saturday morning, we went out for a nice birthday lunch (just the two of us), and went to Cincinnati to have cake with my parents and pick up our boy. 

The birthday flowers Todd sent to my hotel in Indiana! 

Beautiful birthday flowers!

Fall is officially here too! So I look forward to going to a corn maze/petting zoo to get him a pumpkin and start some fall traditions with him. I think he will need to have a costume for Halloween too. He will be with his grandparents (since Mommy and Daddy will be having a weekend getaway then for our anniversary). Plus, I look forward to the fall leaves and cooler air. So stay tuned next month for more exciting memories! And I leave you with this cute picture of Caleb and his penguin!