3 Months - And The Little Boy Continues to Steal Her Heart!

13 weeks/3 months old!

THREE MONTHS! What? Is that even possible? How is it my baby boy is 3 months old? So much has happened just in the past month! Where do I even begin?

Baby Stats:

• Caleb is approximately 12 pounds now. Getting bigger and stronger everyday! Need to take out the infant insert from his carseat now! :( Can't believe how big he is getting!
• No longer wearing newborn clothes, but is even growing out of the 0-3 months. Starting to wear some 3-6 months clothes!
• Wearing Size 1 diapers, but probably not for much longer (maybe in the next month)
• Currently eats 4-5 oz of soy formula for each feeding. Loves his food!
• Sleeping through the night from 8-8:30 PM til around 7:30-8:00 AM with maybe only one feeding in between. Sometimes he just sleeps all the way through, and sometimes around 4 AM, he wakes up to eat. But either way - he is a sleeper and we LOVE it!
• Names we have for our boy (some are more fun than others): Caleb (of course), Cutie Pie, Bug-a-boo, Sweet Boy, BabyCakes, Little Man, Biggie Boy, etc.

Well...we all knew he smiled, but he continues to smile BIG and laugh and coo and talk! And I don't care what you say - He is saying "Hi." Multiple times this little boy has been mimicking us by saying "Hi." :) He has this little giggle/coo that just melts the heart. And when he breaks out those three dimples (cheeks and chin), he melts me. Heck - he melts everyone that sees him do it. He's going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up! He also has found his voice by his random "yelling." It's not a cry yell - it's like he is talking to something or someone by yelling. It's funny. We were at his pediatrician's office, and I was standing him up and he was looking so intently at my shirt. I guess my shirt was very busy and he was soo into it. Well then all of a sudden, he just starts "yelling" at it. It was funny. He is definitely learning his voice.

The most infectious smile!

 



He has lifted his head pretty well since Day 1; however, he is doing it all the time and will be on his tummy and just look up and not bob his head around like he used to. His head control is AWESOME! He continues to want to stand on his feet and is definitely putting more weight on those legs. He would rather sit or stand than be on his back now. In fact, he wants to "take off," and he really wants to crawl/walk now! I really see him crawling/walking MUCH sooner than we expected. He wants to see the world. He doesn't want to have his head facing me. He likes to see the people and everything going on around him. Curious little boy I have! :) I swear he is going to be curious about anything and everything as he grows up. He has so much wonder and amazement when he looks around that I just can't help but believe this little boy will be an adventurer. His curiosity is so fun to watch!

Standing like a big boy! 

Our big boy - look at that head control

HE PLAYS! :) BIG milestone! Month 2 - he wasn't so interested in toys. But this month, he wants to play, grab, touch, taste, etc. everything! He especially loves a toy my Mom got him called "Freddie the Firefly." It has so many different things on it to touch, feel, hear, etc. It's a great toy! Plus he just has more interest in different things and how they feel. He loves to reach for anything, including fingers. Or mommy's hair! LOL! It really is so amazing to watch his brain at work. He is learning so much! OH - and we recently learned he loves Patty Cake! He LOVES it! He laughs and smiles soo much while we play Patty Cake, and it's just soo infectious. I just wanted to keep playing it with him because of that smile of his!

Playing with Freddie the Firefly


Playing Patty Cake with Mommy! He loves it!




And he loves to put things in his mouth more now. Probably because my sweet boy is starting to teeth some! Yes - that's right - Teething! I wasn't expecting him to start so soon. His gums are swollen, and he really gnaws at his hands. Caleb also got his first illness.  He had "Hand Foot Mouth" disease, but thankfully it wasn't too severe. He never had a fever, and he wasn't scratching at his rash. It was a pretty mild case - thankfully! Within a few days, the rash cleared up. I am just thrilled it wasn't more serious. This momma also got it, but it didn't last very long either.

Loves those fingers and loves to put his hand and really anything in his mouth now!

It's just so much fun watching my boy grow up! He's learning so much and I couldn't be prouder of him! When someone asks how he is doing, I know I must light up because I love talking about him! He is so special and he continues to steal my heart each day!

Also in very fun news - Caleb FINALLY met his Aunt Jen and Uncle Wes in person for the first time! Jen and Wes came into town (now that she is done with the Bar Exam - so proud of her on that!), and it was just so wonderful to see her and see Caleb with her! :)

Super giddy Aunt Jen with Caleb

He looks so snuggly with Aunt Jen

Jen and my Mom even watched Caleb one day during the week that they were here instead of going to the sitter! I asked Jen what she thought, and she said it was the highlight of her trip! :) She had a ball! While we were at work, I guess Caleb was very smiley and loved to play Patty Cake with her. I knew he would love his aunt Jen! I knew it!

Look at the love between these two!

 

We got spend time together as a family this week (all 7 of us) on Thursday and on Friday! It was a lot of fun. We even celebrated the September birthdays a little early since we were all together (Mom, Wes, and me)! Pretty neat cake that incorporated all three of our birthdays!

 

 All three of our names and years are on there!

 

 View from the top

 

All 7 of us!

 

 

It was really such a blessed time together as a family. Jen had a ball with Caleb. I knew Caleb would just adore her!

 

 So happy together!

 

Caleb just adores his Aunt Jen! 

 





Two Months Old and Back to Work

My little boy is 2 months old now! The time with him has felt fast and slow all at the same time. And I remember everyone saying that he would change soo much in these few weeks, and you were right! He has changed sooo much. Just look at this difference - 1 week vs. 2 months.

1 week old vs. 2 months

He has changed from that tiny little infant baby boy that I thought I would break, to this smiling, amazing little baby boy who has definitely gained some weight. I will find out this Friday how much he weighs, and I am guessing he is at 9 lbs by now (or at least close to 9 lbs).

In this second month, I have seen so many changes in  my little boy. He smiles a lot now! And there is nothing that makes a mother and father more excited than seeing their baby smile. He even laughs a little. He lifts his head amazingly well and is soo strong. His feet are insanely strong. I am just so proud of my boy. He is incredible and growing soo much. It also makes this momma proud because it just goes to show you that you don't need to be a breastfed baby to grow well and be strong. This isn't a slam against people who breastfeed by any means. But being a mother that had to give up on that idea 5 days into his life because I was physically unable to do it - well, now I feel much better. He is doing amazingly well. Thank you, God!

My smiling boy!

Lifting his head with his arms!

And he's so smart. He talks and coos so much now. He loves to talk (even if we don't know what he is saying). I know I heard him say "Hi" multiple times now...I wonder if he was mimicking us. He said that early on too! Smart cookie! He also stands - yes he stands with us holding him up by his arms, but he puts weight on those legs of his. In fact, we visited the park last week, and I had him sitting on my leg with his feet on the blanket, and he stood up himself. Seriously! Now he needed my support, but he is the one that initiated it and stood up! He really puts weight on those feet of his to stand! I was impressed!

So BIG! He's standing!

 

Video of him talking at the park:

Talking at the park

 

And in good news - he has been sleeping for the past 2.5 weeks in his crib! YAY! YAY! He sleeps through the night and only wakes up 2 times for feedings (every 3-4 hours). Sooo excited about that too! I was concerned with starting work that it would be a problem, but so far, so good! Now yes - he is sleeping on his belly. I know what many have said and that is a "no-no," and maybe I am a "bad" mother for it. Or maybe I have seen what my baby boy can handle and I have seen that he really isn't sleeping when he is on his back. He sleeps so soundly on his belly and he can also lift his head quite well. He also has turned over on his back a couple of times before when he was on his belly. Believe me - I am a worry wort about a lot of things. But I am trusting my "mommy instincts" on this and also trusting in God on this. I have asked God for a lot of advice and wisdom in how to handle this, and I believe this is good for Caleb.

Sleeping in his crib!

 



Speaking of work - I am back! It's a new schedule and it will be its own challenges. Namely leaving my baby boy with a sitter three days a week for 4-5 hours each day. Plus, Todd has been handling Caleb in the early morning hours so I could sleep, and I know that Caleb is confused by this change. All this time I have been the one with him while Todd is at work. And now all of that is different. It's hard. We created this beautiful haven at home for the past 2 months, and I am just so sad to be leaving him. I know that our sitter is wonderful and she is soo kind and loving to kids, but it's not us. Don't get me wrong - I am happy to be around adults again. I really am. I am happy to be doing my work again. But, I miss him during the day. Fortunately, I have surrounded my desk with photos of him to help me through! I also know and can be proud that I am working hard to provide for this beautiful family we have. But we need the prayers! This new stage/transition is so much harder than I expected it to be. So please pray that Todd and I have wisdom in how we handle this and only show Caleb love and support to help him through it too! Poor guy doesn't understand what is going on and it just breaks my heart. But, I know he will eventually get through it just fine. We just need prayers!

So in love!

 



So all in all - I love this little guy more than any words can say. He has challenged me soo much, but the smiles, the way he holds onto my shirt to ensure I am there when he sleeps is incredible, and I just love looking at him. I don't think I am all that great at being mom, but he's obviously doing okay. I totally believe God is the One that has helped me through it all. I am amazed at how this little guy wasn't here, and then he was. He really is a gift from God to us. I just stare at him sometimes in just complete awe. And I love that he knows me...I love that he seems to see me and feel better (unless he just wants food (LOL!)). I love him more than life itself. He has brought so much life to our lives - sleepy life, but a beautiful life! I am sooo thankful to God for him! So thankful and humble to be his mama!

Mommy and Caleb at the park on her last week before work!

Our sleeping sweetheart!  

 

Having a ball at the park!

July 2nd - 2 years later

 

It's been two years. Two. It's a bittersweet day today. I know, I know - I can tell some of you may wonder how I can even think about what happened two years ago when I have my miracle baby (Caleb) here with me now.

But you see - it never goes away. The sadness of losing a child is always with you. Yes, my child never breathed air outside of my womb, but he or she did live for a brief period of time inside me. And I know that many people wouldn't even call that baby a life. But Gabriel lives - he or she just lives in heaven now.

Why do you think I put all of those weekly updates with Caleb on my Facebook page? To emphasize the significance of each weekly milestone of life. Each week, there was something new happening with that little baby that grew and grew and now he is here with us. And while Gabriel only lived a few short weeks, he or she still lived! I imagine that Gabriel was only the size of a seed, but he or she still lived. And now Gabriel is thriving and enjoying perfect paradise in heaven.

And today I honor that little one. I honor Gabriel. Here is the video I put together in honor of him or her back in 2012.

I also honor and I am thankful for the precious answer to prayer and healing that God gave us when He gave us Caleb. I think of all that God did to help us through that time. I think of that song "The Hurt and the Healer" by Casting Crowns when I think of this time in our lives. He really did meet us at our lowest point and heal the pain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqBMNSuDf7g

He heard our cries and it wasn't in vain. Because now - sitting on our lap is our boy Caleb. He cries, he eats, he sleeps, he coos, he screams, etc. We wanted that with Gabriel, but for whatever reason, Gabriel is in heaven instead.

But now - now we get to hold and love and snuggle with the sweetest baby boy! I am less sad than I was, but I will never forget. I hold Gabriel close to my heart today and everyday because he or she was our first child and always will be. And someday - someday we will all be a family together.

So to my Gabriel - We love you and honor you today. We know you are in a better place and we know you are in perfect hands. We will see you someday and I can't wait to hold you in my arms! And someday you will get to hug your little brother too! :)

He's One Month!

One month old!

 

 

"For this child, I have prayed..."

So our little guy is officially one month old today! So crazy that one month ago, we were going to a Dr's appointment that led to me to going to the hospital and eventually having our sweet boy! The first week at home was rough, but I can honestly say, it did get better. If you told me it would get better, you were right. :)

That's not to say we don't have really rough days or nights (oh we still do!), but I feel like I can do a number of things and those things will alleviate his crying. He is growing (even though it's been only 2 weeks since his last appointment, I can tell he is getting more weight on him). His cries used to intimidate, but I am really starting to handle those cries better. I would rather him not cry, but it's okay if I lay him down and he cries. It's okay if I take a few minutes longer to use the restroom, make my lunch or dinner, take care of laundry, etc. He doesn't break if he cries. I have taken care of this tiny little person for a whole month, and so far, he hasn't broken! :) In fact, I am learning some things that really make me proud. For instance, I know when he sometimes just seems to want to keep eating, that sometimes it is because he isn't sure if what he is feeling is gas pains or hunger pains. I have been able to read some of those signs and know that he really doesn't need more food and he really just needs to be massaged/burped to get all of that gas out. Sometimes, yes he wants more food. But, I am proud that I am learning the signs between the two.

He continues to "try to talk" to us. I love listening to him really try. It's amazing how determined he really is. I also love seeing him lift his head for longer periods of time now. He has been lifting that sweet head since Day 1, but even more so this past month. He also uses his arms and lifts himself up too! I love seeing how strong he is getting. His legs are getting even stronger and sometimes we will lift him up on his feet and he seems to want to stand for a few seconds. Plus the boy kicks like crazy (his diaper changes are a testament to that because he kicks like crazy while we are doing that). He is SOO observant. He loves to look at everything. He is so mesmerized by contrasting colors, and if he is really fascinated, he will lift that sweet head of his and strain really far to see it better. He hasn't fully smiled (without it being gas or sleeping times) at us yet, but when he does smile, it just melts me. When he smiles, he has these cute little cheek dimples. UGH! I can't take how cute he is sometimes. I can't wait til I know he really is smiling at us and when he laughs. That will just make my life! :)

I went out with him by myself and drove to Hillsboro to see Alana this past week. That was a big deal! I haven't gone anywhere by myself with him before and he slept the whole way there and he pretty much slept all the way back. I love that he loves the car seat! :) It was nice to get out and do something fun and normal for me to do! It was nice to have some adult conversation and get out of the house! And anyone that is around Caleb, just loves him to pieces. It's a pride thing - this momma just loves when people gush over him! :) At the end of this month, we plan on going north of Columbus for a fun 4th of July picnic with friends. It's a big deal to get out! :) I am hoping all goes well with that adventure!

This next month, we plan on doing some different things to hopefully get him to sleep more in a bassinet or crib before I go back to work at the end of July. I know he can't sleep with us forever, and we really miss sleeping in our bed together. Because at the moment, our sleep routine is Todd and I taking turns with sleeping with him on our chests on the couch or guest bed, while the other is in our bed sleeping (I don't need judgement from anyone on this - we did what we had to do to survive). But I hope we help him to learn to like other places to sleep. He is still so little, so it's okay if it takes him a while to understand this. But we have to start trying to get him to sleep in his bassinet or bed. Please pray for God to give us wisdom on this. We want to do the right thing for our family and we want to help him sleep.

I love this little guy more each day. It's kind of an amazing thing. I have known him outside of my womb only one month, but I also have 10 months of knowing him in my womb. It's amazing how some of what I thought he would be like by signs he was giving me inside the womb are very true. He really is stubborn. He really is a snuggler. He really does KICK up a storm! :) And when I am frustrated and tired, I am reminded of how we prayed for this little guy and here he is. God really answered our prayers! He really is the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen, and I am truly in love with this boy!

I have changed a lot this month too. Some of the things I have learned about myself are:

• I was quite selfish (still am in some ways). When I lost sleep the first week, I really was upset. I was upset that he wouldn't let me sleep. Over the past few weeks though - I am changing in that regard. Yeah I still want my sleep, but I get up when he needs to eat or needs his diaper changed and I just love him. In fact, I have been impressed how living with 4 hours of sleep really is doable! It's more than doable. I have been doing that for a month! So YAY me! :) Yay us! :)
• I am inventive when it comes to trying to soothe my boy. I have gotten out my ipod and played music and danced with him around the house, and he likes it! I will make crazy, silly faces with him, or how I also massage his back when I know he has gas. And I have noticed lately, just my saying his name "Caleb" in a sing-song way will make it stop crying too! I do what it takes to make him feel better. I am proud that I can make it work (most of the time).
• I am protective. When it comes to my boy, I think of things I would do to protect him from anyone or anything. When we were driving home from Hillsboro this past week, it was storming like crazy. It was intense! I started thinking of all the things I would do if there was a tornado or what I would do to protect him since he was with me. If I feel like Todd is getting too stressed or tired with Caleb, I will take him because I don't want Caleb to feel that frustration. And when I get frustrated, I either put him down or give him to Todd for a break as well because again - I want him to feel peace and calm feelings, not frustration. I am learning if I hear or see something that is odd with his behavior or health, I am very quick to look that information up or call the pediatrician because I want him to be okay. Yeah I know every mom probably does this, but it gives me confidence that those things are in me too! That I really am protective and will do whatever I can for him!
• I am not a stay at home mother. While I am willing to do most anything for my boy, I am also not SAHM material. I need adult time. I need to work. I need to have time outside of raising my boy to be with other people. And there is nothing wrong with that. I take pride in my life outside of this beautiful family. That's not to say that when I go back to work, I won't be upset about leaving him. Because I will have spent 8 weeks with this beautiful little guy, it will be hard to be away from him at first. But, I know we will get through it and ultimately it will be good for my sanity to get back to my work. Plus, I am showing my son that a mother can still enjoy work and that she doesn't have to be at home to take care of her family. My work makes it possible for me to provide for our family as well. I love that I can do that for us! Plus, I have also seen in the Christian community a lot of people say that the woman should be the one at home taking care of the kids. I think there is NOTHING wrong with doing it that way if that is what you want, but it isn't feasible for us.  But, I also think I am showing him that anyone (including women) can do whatever they set their minds to.
• I am proud of him. It's true. I am proud of his "good burps." I am proud of his head lifting and his grabbing onto the bottle. I am proud of his "talking" that he is doing. He really seems to be trying to communicate with us! He's already showing that he will be pretty independent and want to do things for himself. Probably because he comes from a stubborn and independent mom and dad! :) He makes me proud each day that I see him try to talk. Plus, he makes me proud because he is my boy. I think of how just last year, he wasn't here. This time last year, we didn't have a clue that we would be having a little boy! It's amazing and humbling. I am soo proud of my Caleb. I will show a bizillion pictures and brag about all of those things to anyone who will listen. He really is my pride and joy! He really is!
• I love my husband even more. Whether it is watching how Todd is with Caleb and has soo much love for him, how he took on being "super dad" immediately and how he took care of me after the surgery, or how he misses us when he is at work and sends us text messages telling us that, etc. I find my husband even more sexy and amazing because being a father just suits him perfectly. My husband is truly incredible! Plus - I love how even if I am laying with Caleb or he is with Caleb, that we take time to give each other the kisses in the hall way or cuddle up with each other in the morning, or when he holds my hand when we go on a walk with Caleb, or when Todd encourages me and says I am doing a great job as a mom. It's hard to show that romantic side after having a baby and dealing with the first weeks of having a newborn at home, but I appreciate that we are doing it. I appreciate that we both try to show each other that while our lives are changed completely, our love has never changed and we show it!

So wow - 1 month. Caleb, Todd, and I have changed in major ways! This life is different now than it was, but I can see how much more fulfilling it is and will be! I so look forward to more milestones and seeing how we handle other things that come our way. Thank you for the prayers and we continue to covet those prayers as newbie parents!

My beautiful boy! 

Two weeks Old and Mommy's Thoughts

One of my favorite photos of my boy! He's my little ducky!

Caleb is 2 weeks old! The first week of his life seemed to go by way too slowly, but this second week has gone by much faster. Maybe I am getting the hang of some things? Maybe.

I have had many sleepless nights and times to think about this little guy and what I think about motherhood so far. And the benefits far outweigh the frustration (I mean just look at that adorable face). I do sometimes feel sad or emotional about some things though. For instance, I still feel like I missed out on some crticial moments when he was first born because of the C-Section and my being "out of it." I get emotional about it because it bothers me that I see other women who can have their baby naturally and they get applauded for "doing a good job." But if you get the C-Section, there is a stigma with it that says "oh, that's unfortunate." Well yeah - surgery isn't something I wanted. But it was to save both of us! If we had waited, what if my BP only got higher and I continued to get sicker and sicker? What if he really wasn't getting enough oxygen and we waited - maybe he wouldn't be here with us. So yeah - I may not be happy with the fact that we had to have the surgery, but my boy is alive and well! I do wish I could have had him handed to me after delivery immediately and have that special moment like I had dreamt, but I have him. And that's all that matters. I am trying to say this to myself because honestly, I still feel emotional about it. But the one thing I can hold onto is this - I mentioned in my last post that he had been crying sooo much after delivery and it had been a good hour or two til I got to hold him for the first time (breaks my heart). But he was crying so hard, and they laid him on my chest, and he stopped crying. I wish I remembered more of that moment, but that brings me comfort. My baby knew me...he really knew me.

Another thing - we are not doing the breastfeeding thing. I said I would give it the college try when I had him, and I really did try. But, there were many factors that made this decision for us, and some of those things are way too personal to share on here. I don't want to discuss all of it here because it really isn't everyone's business, but all in all, we are happier for it. EVERYONE is happier for it, including Caleb. So we are a formula family, and we are ALL at peace with that decision.

I am a mother, and I'm learning so many things every single day about him. He fascinates me. I love watching him sleep, eat, look around, etc. He is just amazing. What parent doesn't think that about their kids? Not too many. But, still - this is my kid. I have a little boy who is amazing in every way!
Here are some of the fascinating things I have discovered these two weeks:

• He eats like he is starving...even though we feed him at least every 2-4 hours. But when he gets that bottle, he sucks it down like there is no tomorrow!
• He loves to watch whomever is feeding him. He loves to stare at you intently. I feel like he studies us and our movements. It's so fun!
• He loves to look around when he isn't eating. He will look at photos hung up, lights, etc. He really is studying his surroundings.
• He is soo strong already in his head and feet. He has been lifting his head since Day 1! He wants to see whatever is going on. And his feet - wow are they strong. He will kick with all his might man! He still is a kicker outside of the womb!
• Speaking of kicking, he hates having his diaper changed! He kicks and kicks and kicks when we do that. You'd think he would love to have it changed because he isn't sitting in poop or pee anymore, but I don't think he likes the "freedom."
• During the first week of his life, he wanted his feet to be covered/wrapped up and didn't like the freedom. But since then, he is now starting to like it more and kicking his feet out of blankets.
• When he sleeps, you can't really wake him. He sleeps pretty soundly. However, we have noticed something quite funny about his sleeping. We think he is dreaming some instense things because he will be sleeping so quietly, and then all of a sudden, he jerks/flails his hands up and you think he is waking up. But he doesn't. And he will do that flailing of his hands multiple times while he is sleeping. Makes me wonder what he is dreaming. But sometimes it really freaks me out! LOL! We will be sleeping together, and all of a sudden, he flails his arms. It's really quite amusing.
• He has this suspicious eye thing...when he is drifting off to sleep, he will open one of his eyes and close it very sneakily. Like he is trying to be sneaky to see if you are going to let him go or if you are going to do something he doesn't like. He will just have one eye open up and then close it real fast, and then open it, and then close it. It's really funny!
• He smiles A LOT when he sleeps. I know - it's probably gas. But, man do I love to see his "smile." It's the most adorable thing ever.
• He loves the car seat! I wasn't expecting that, but I think it brings him comfort and cozy feelings.
• In the past two weeks, I have been peed on twice...not too bad!
• In the past two weeks, I have been spit up on MULTIPLE times...we're talking projectile spit up. And Todd seems to keep missing those times. He can have Caleb for several hours, and then pass him off to me, and I get the spit up.
• He loves snuggling. I knew this about him in the womb! I remember all those ultrasounds we had to get because he was soo cuddled up in there and wouldn't let us see his heart. And now...he still loves to snuggle. He loves hearing my heartbeat when he sleeps.
• If he is being fussy, sometimes he will be okay with a pacifier, and sometimes all he needs is me to hold him and pat his bottom.
• He clearly has my nose, my eye shape, my chin dimple and cheeks.
• He clearly has Todd's lips, ears, hands, and feet. I also believe the eyes will be blue like his Daddy's.
• His hair was dark brown at birth, but I am noticing that it is getting lighter. I think he will still possibly end up being blonde like his Dad. Maybe.
• He hates baths...just doesn't like the freedom and doesn't like the water on his body. We just use washcloths for right now until his circumcision is healed. But he still doesn't like it. The only thing he likes is when you take a cloth and wash his face and carefully brush his hair/rub his head. I don't mess with those soft spots, but otherwise, he loves his head being rubbed/brushed.
• He is already grasping for our clothes, hair, etc with his hands when he is sleeping, eating, etc.

And those are just a few of the things. I just love learning about him. He makes me smile, cry, laugh, etc. I continue to pray that God will help me learn the things I need to learn to be the best mom I can be for him. But so far, we are making it. It's hard, but when I hold him or when he is holding onto me and breathing deeply as he sleeps, all the frustration seems to dissipate. I so look forward to many more "learning times" with him!

First family photo of us

Our family of three! 

The day Caleb Isaac was born...

Wow...he's here!! What an amazing journey it has been. It has been so fun to account for each milestone during pregnancy, and now he is here in our arms!

I wanted to take a little time to share the day he was born. It was quite a day to say the least! So here it goes:

I had been wanting a pedicure, and so I thought getting an appointment for Friday or Saturday would be great and might get him to move along in the labor process (I had heard that it would). But there were no appointments for Friday or Saturday available. But they could get me in on Thursday (5/22). So I did it! It was wonderful!! Felt soo good and I have cute blue toes! BOY - there must be something to the pedicure thing because at 3 AM on Friday morning, I was having some mild to a little more painful contractions every 7-10 minutes for about 3 hours. But then I felt asleep and it seemed to have stopped.

So Friday morning, as we were leaving to go to the Dr around 8:30 AM (normal weekly appointment), I was telling Todd about the contractions. He asked me if I thought we should bring my camera bag with me in case I need to go the hospital. Ha! I was like "No. We aren't going to go to the hospital. I don't think he is coming today after all."

I didn't know I would have to eat my words later. :)

So we get to the Dr's appointment, and they weigh me and said I gained another 4 pounds in a week (likely water weight). Then they checked my legs and hands for swelling, and I was pretty swollen. I didn't think much of it because I had been dealing with some swelling all week and I was getting used to that feeling. But then they took my blood pressure. Normally, I am around the 120's and low 130's. But this time, I measured at 163! Much higher! But I just figured they would want to keep an eye on me is all...not that I would be going to the hospital.

It was the shortest Dr's appt. yet! Dr. Frederickson came in and was like "so, all of these things indicate you need to go the hospital now for testing." I was told not to stop off at home or anything, but to go directly there! I was shocked! Not only was I NOT having contractions, but no water had broken either.

But we went and arrived to Soin Medical Center around 11 AM. They took blood tests, tested my blood pressure (was steadily getting higher), etc. They had me lay on my side (which is NOT comfortable to me) to help with the blood pressure. At first that seemed to help, but it didn't last long. The nurse said once these blood tests came back, she would talk with the on-call Dr - Dr. Little, and see if he thought I should stay there or go home. I really didn't think they would make me stay.

BUT I was wrong. Dr. Little wanted to induce me and get the contractions going because I hadn't yet started to dialate. I didn't understand why, but it was more or less because they were concerned about preclampsia. They didn't want to have my blood pressure continue to get higher and higher, and honestly, the only way to get rid of all of these symptoms was to have the baby. So they induced me. And easy contractions soon became harder and harder to deal with! They were painful! I went from 7-10 minutes apart to 2-5 minutes. Plus, they were so much stronger and seemed to double up on each other. I never felt like I got a break from the pain. I didn't want to take pain medication, but I gave in at first to Fetanyl that would help "take the edge off." Well - it didn't seem to help really. And I have never hurt soo bad in all my life. I hate contractions. I really really do! There is no pain like it! I was in tears and tried to stick it out because I didn't want an epidural. I was afraid of it going into my spine. It was a big fear of mine. But I eventually gave in because I was literally holding onto my bedside rail for dear life during each contraction trying to focus on the breathing. But I gotta say, no correct breathing was enough to help me through the pain. It was too excrutiating. And like I said earlier - I was having contractions double up on each other, so I never really felt like I got a break from the pain.

Well the epidural seemed to help some with the pain at first, but my blood pressure was only getting higher and higher. The highest I remember hearing was around 192! Things were not getting better and I was only dialated up to 3 cm! Things were not progressing like Dr. Little had hoped. And so around 10:30 PM (I think), Dr. Little came in and said he really really recommended that we have the C-section. They all knew I didn't want to do it. I really didn't want to have a C-Section. It was not something I thought was necessary, but what do we know? We aren't Dr's. But his reasoning was that my blood pressure continued to spike and I was sicker than a dog (vomitting like crazy and in so much pain with no relief), and they were concerned that the placenta was already breaking down and that Caleb wasn't getting the oxygen. So we felt like to save us both, and we had to do it.

So they got me all prepped, and wheeled me into the operating room for my C-Section. Now that was a crazy time! I have never been in the hospital really, and never had surgery before. It felt so weird being wheeled into an operating room full of people looking at me. Todd was on my right side holding my hand, and I felt them opening me up (felt like they were opening me up like a zipper - no pain or anything). They also did a lot of moving things around and pressure, and then - there he was! He was out. I heard his cries and briefly saw his little face and body! He came into the world weighing 6 pounds, 10 ounces and was 19.5 inches long! So he was MUCH tinier than I expected him to be.

Todd all decked out in his gown for the operating room

There he is! Our little man!

Daddy and son - seeing each other face to face

They started to sew me back together, and that is when pain seemed to return. It hurt and then I saw up above me in the lighting a reflection of my body open (all I saw was red!). Okay - so I think that is when I panicked! I was on drugs, but that made me really freak out and panic. Todd said he had never heard me scream in so much agony and fear in all his life. He was sooo freaked out for me. And that is the last I remember....

Todd said they essentially knocked me out because I just couldn't take it anymore. The baby was being looked after by Dr's, and he was fine. I don't know all that happened after that. It was almost dream like. I remember seeing lights from a table and I remember hearing voices, but I didn't know what was going on. I at one point thought I was dead because nothing seemed real, and everything was very hazy. I was really out of it.

My parents had that night to be with us, and so they met me back in my room. I am told that they all talked to me and even did video with me, but I don't remember it. They brought Caleb to me and I do remember briefly holding him. I remember his cries and me telling him that I loved him so much. My family said that he was crying a ton, and when they laid him on my chest, he stopped crying. :) I just wish I could have remembered more. But when I saw him, I instantly fell in love. I do know that much. He is seriously sooo adorable. We make very, very cute babies! :)

Meeting Caleb face to face for the first time

Cuddle time with mommy when I was more aware

And my blood pressure returned to normal after all of that. So thankfully, we are all doing well now. He is healthy and so am I. I was the one in surgery, but I swear Todd had it worse. I know it must have been so emotional for him to see his wife in agony and not be able to fix it, and then have that joyous moment of seeing his son for the first time. So many decisions were made in such a short period of time, but in the end, Caleb is here! And we are sooo thankful!

And he is perfect! He really is! He is soo precious with his cries (though they are getting a little annoying after a while - sleep deprivation will do that!). I love how he looks when he sleeps, and I love how he loves to sleep on my chest. That whole mama's heartbeat thing is amazing and how it just seems to make everything better.

And just a minute to brag about how awesome my husband is....seriously! My recovery has been very hard and so I couldn't retain a lot of the information they were saying to help me get through things, and how to handle Caleb. Todd just became Super Dad and wholeheartedly! He has taken care of us both and did things he never thought he could do. He would ask questions about my medications and what to do to help my recovery, and he asked the questions about what to do for handling things with Caleb. He made lists and was so organized about it to keep track of us both. He rose to the challenge so fiercly and amazingly! I am sooo blessed to have this man as my husband and the father of my child! He truly is the best!

 

I just love both my boys!

 



So yes - we are sleep deprived, but we have this little, amazing, boy that just makes us weepy and proud at the same time. We couldn't be more thankful to God for this beautiful boy. He is our miracle. When Dr's said it would be difficult to ever conceive if ever, and look - here he is. When all the fertility drugs didn't work - God made it possible. Things are tough and we are trying to figure things out, but God is helping us one day at a time. Please continue to keep us in your prayers on this amazing new journey!

Letter to Caleb at 39 weeks...

You are almost here, Caleb!

I'm not sure I could be any more excited. We can't wait to hold you in our arms for the first time. Never have I thought this day would come. Do you know how special you are? You are already so much of our pride and joy, and we haven't even seen you face to face yet. How can it be that we are at our final week before your due date? How did that happen? I'll tell you - God! I truly believe it was God that has held you in my womb and knit you together. You are a bouncing baby boy for sure (if all that movement you give me in my tummy is any indication)! I loved last night as your Daddy put his hand on my belly and I felt and saw you move his hand up! :) I believe you know our voices and you know that is us!

So when you hear us again after you are born - that's us! We are your parents. God has given you to us to take care of you, teach you, love you, and raise you into the amazing person that God has called you to be! If God thinks we can do it, then I have to believe we can (with His help). If you hear us crying - no, we aren't sad. We are overjoyed! That first week of your life here on this earth - please be understanding if we mess up on things. We are learning. We are going to do our best for you because we just love you so much!

I am incredibly humbled to be your mommy. I don't know that I feel worthy of you because I'll admit it - I can be quite selfish. You deserve only the very best, and God thought you would be a perfect fit for us. I hope we live up to that. I'm not saying we won't make mistakes - oh we will. But, my prayer to God is that He gives us the grace we need to get through it and that you will be understanding of our faults. We don't want to make these mistakes. We are learning just as you will be learning too!

I promise to pray for you each and every day of your life here! Probably more than a dozen times a day! I've been telling your Daddy that when I wake up as much as I do now that God is just preparing me for a lifetime of my doing that. I tend to be a worrier, and I really hope I do a better job with that now that you are coming. I don't want to pass worry down to you. I don't want you to be a worrier because it's not healthy, and it's not trusting in God. But as a mother, I know I will look in on you often. I will probably check that you are breathing several times a day. I will probably be over protective of you when it comes to a lot of things, but that's just because I am learning this mom thing.

I'm a work in progress, my sweet boy. I am trying and will try for the rest of my life to be the kind of mom you deserve! You are such an amazing gift, so I want to do right by God. I want to show Him that I take this job as your mom very seriously. Your Daddy is the same way...though he worries much less. I hope you take after him in this regard. :)

So as much as I know I am going to fail at things or struggle, I can promise you the following:

• A home filled with LOVE! You will know love, darling boy! You will be kissed and hugged every single day. And when you are "too old" for that, your mom will still try anyways. Humor me! And even when we are mad or you have done something wrong and we have to punish you, we will still love you. Nothing can change our love for you. Absolutely nothing!
• You will have both of your parents married to each other and love each other! This is a BIGGIE to us. Chances are, you will know and meet a lot of people who comes from single parent homes or their parents are divorced, or something similar. But you will NEVER have that. Your parents will stay married and stay committed and in love with each other until we die. I promise you that. We have seen the heartache that many families go through when their parents divorce, and we resolved LONG before you were conceived that we would NEVER make divorce an option. It just isn't. We love each other sooo very much and always will. Your Daddy is the the man that I will always choose, even in hardship. And considering some of the hardship we have already faced, I know we can and will make it. And we want you to never fear that things aren't safe in your home. We want you to always feel secure in knowing that your parents love you and love each other. We will fight for this family for the rest of our lives.
• You are a Taber, son. You come from Dunmyer's and Taber's - strong values and a lot of stubborness! So no matter what happens in our lives together, we will stay strong as a family and hold tight to God. Your name means faithful to God. I believe that you will be a man that is faithful because our hope is to teach you all that God has done in our lives and show you all the stories, etc of his love. And someday, we hope and pray you will choose Him for yourself. We will not compromise when it comes to the world's values or God's values. God's values will win every time in our book. Even if the government tells us to obey them over God, we will choose God! So when we emphasize something to you as being important because that's what God says, understand we have learned a lot in our 33 + years of life and have seen firsthand that what God says is truly the best thing. He doesn't tell us to live a certain way or do certain things because He is mean. It's because He knows the heartache and pain that can come from choosing to do the opposite. And we have learned that firsthand when we have made mistakes. We are thankful that God's grace covers that too!
• You are a child of the One True King. Yes - Jesus! He adores you and will be with you ALL the days of your life. I promise. You have to be the one to choose Him though. You will sin and make mistakes in this life. There is a lot of sin and pain in this world,  and we all fall short and make mistakes. But the amazing thing is - God's love covers all of that. Jesus came and died and rose again so that you can have a relationship with Him. We don't expect you to understand any of this right now (as you are just a tiny little baby in my womb), but someday, we hope to explain it in a way you understand. Jesus loves you sooo very much though, Caleb. He knew about you and knew what you were going to be LONG before we even knew you were there. He has a perfect plan for your life and designed you to be someone He can use. What that is - I'm not sure. But we will be praying for you every single day that you will discover that for yourself. We just know that you do have a purpose that God designed just for you! And we are here to help you along your life's journey too. We will be your biggest fans! We will be your biggest support!
• You have some of the best extended family possible! Your grandparents are incredible people and love you SOOOO much! They will teach you all kinds of things themselves, and are also very faithful to God. In fact, they were the ones that taught me! And you have an amazing aunt and uncle that adore you and pray for you! Your aunt Jen is a lawyer now and your uncle Wes knows SOOO much about American history. I am sure they will be HUGE advocates for you and you will learn MUCH from them as well. You have other aunts and uncles, whether blood related or not, that adore you and have prayed for you. You are well loved and have an incredible support system.
• We want to have fun! Yes - this is important in a family. We will do what we can to have family vacations because those were always some of my most favorite memories growing up. I want you to experience camping, I want you to experience hiking and see the beach and mountains! I want you to see real life penguins, and of course all the other animals (yes - your Momma just loves penguins as you will see). We want to play board games together as a family and have family movie nights too. Life has a lot of hardship for sure, but we want to bring you joy and happiness in this life too! We want you to soak up all of these experiences because they are important!
• We will want you to read for fun and for learning. You will have to read in school for sure, but our hope is that you WANT to read for fun and learning as well. We will read to you as you grow up and I hope that will make you want to read and go on some amazing adventures yourself in books!
• We will be a family that plays music and will sing in the car, praise God, etc. Music is soo important. I can't even name all of the songs in this life that have impacted me in a huge way...or that bring memories to mind. Music is very important. So we will sing songs with you as you grow up, and when on vacations, don't be surprised if we sing silly songs like "Do Your Ears Hang Low," and "Grandma, Where Out Thou Going," You will love music...I mean, I remember when I played "God's Great Dance Floor" and "Happy" and you were all moving around in my belly. I hope that was because you liked the sound! :)

And these are just some of the things we want for you! We love you, dear boy! Thank you for being our boy! We know you are God's promise to us, and we are soo blessed to have you!

And we are waiting for your arrival, but if God wants you in there a little longer, well I can wait. Just know we are soooo very excited for you! See you soon face to face, Caleb!

Love, Mommy and Daddy!